Excuses Begone

I have heard plenty about Wayne Dyer but never had any direct experience with his books or presentations. When PBS showed a program last week, I took the opportunity to watch, mostly out of curiousity.

Though I found his manner engaging and the presentation interesting enough that I didn't turn it off, I found myself judging him... Who does this guy think he is with his pot belly telling me how to be successful? He hasn't said anything I haven't heard elsewhere. In fact, most of what he does is quote other people.

I got curious as to what my resistance was about. And then I realized... here is a man who has attracted a fortune to himself, as well as legions of admirers. I am jealous. I laughed a little at myself, and my annoyance dissolved.

I took away one nugget of wisdom that has helped me immensely in the last few days. One of the excuses that I wish to begone... "It will be difficult to achieve."

I realize that I have been repeating this to myself over and over for the past few years, with regards to transitioning to a healthy lifestyle. And, as long as I have believed it, it has been difficult!

Today, I realized it can be easy. And so it was. Now, about that fortune...

Baby detox, maternal guilt

You see a sweet little bright-eyed baby. I see a sweet little bright-eyed baby with puffy eyes and a double chin.

With my first three pregnancies, I did the best I could with the information and skills I had at the time. With Simon, it was the Brewer diet, which focused on getting 100 grams a day of protein. I also started eating meat again, with the encouragement of my midwife, because my iron was very low (a long story which is discussed in my bio in the archives). And I ate a pint or two of Ben and Jerry's a week (now did I truly believe that was for the health of the baby?). With Keziah and Salome, I had discarded the protein myth and begun to move away from dairy. I also stayed vegetarian, although I remember having a few cans of salmon. I also had added a bit more exercise in... But emotional eating and overt fats were a big part of my life. I had high blood sugar in all of my pregnancies.

My babies were quite big from birth, and only gained in girth from there. My youngest daughter was 9 lbs. 10 oz. at birth and 26 pounds at 6 months, exclusively breastfed. I got continuous compliments about how fat she was, and I took personal pride in having supplied the calories. LOL! When I came to the low fat raw vegan lifestyle, she was 2 1/2, and I realized how my high-fat diet had adversely impacted my babies. I always thought that if I ever were to have another baby, I would do it all right!

Well, I can say that my diet and exercise improved dramatically from my earlier pregnancies, but it didn't match up with my knowledge... And so I feel a great sense of disappointment. I would like to be the best mom possible for my children, and I feel a sense of regret that I haven't been.

I feel grateful that I can stay home and nurse my little guy. I know I have contributed to his health when I see the glow of his skin, his bright eyes, his intelligence, curiousity and enjoyment of life. He has never been truly sick, although he did get a cough and runny nose when the rest of the family had a bout of the flu in October. He is very active and can already crawl rapidly, stand unassisted, climb three stairs, and walk easily around the furniture.

I find it interesting that his poop is different than my other babies. It looks like sweet potato baby food. My others had poop that had curds of fat in it, like cottage cheese. I can only assume this is an improvement connected to my decreased fat consumption. Of course, if you have ever been around formula fed babies, you have seen and smelled the dramatic difference in their poo. Uck!

But I can always see the consequences of any less-than-ideal food I eat on my little guy. Though his poo isn't fatty, he is a little on the chubby side. Born weighing 9 pounds even, he is 22 pounds at 8 months. He stores fat like his mama, in his saddle bags. LOL! And have you ever seen an 8 month-old with cellulite? Poor kid. Also, if I have a fatty binge (Halloween, anyone?), I notice he gets oily wax discharge from his ears.

If I eat beans, he gets gas. I haven't figured out what exact food gives him the puffy eyes, but they only come around after I've eaten something less than optimal.

The worst part is that he is so interested in what we eat now. He sits in either my lap or Jason's during dinner and reaches for everything. We let him grab lettuce or pieces of fruit to taste, but push the cooked food out of his reach. He watches us fork it into our mouths with the intense look babies get when they first begin to explore eating. I feel sad to think what we're imprinting into his brain.

I know that guilt has no real benefits. I do not change my behavior because I feel guilty. But my awareness is expanding. I see now how loving myself and caring for my own health, can impact the health and well-being of all those around me, especially my precious children.

Transition Slowly?

I am reposting the above picture of my beloved junk heap because it went to junkyard heaven this week. The final straw was a major gas leak. So, Greenmama's family just got greener now that we're down to a single vehicle. Less money for insurance should mean more banana money, too!

I recently joined Nora Lenz's Raw School Yahoo group and have enjoyed reading through old posts this evening. One of her early teachings that intrigues me is her suggestion that transition foods, such as dehydrated foods, nuts, and non-optimal combinations, are a good idea for many people to use in the beginning. Her argument is that many people try to go to a 100% optimal raw diet too fast, and then give up quickly when the going gets tough. (I don't know if she still advocates this... the posts I was reading were from 2005.)

My first reaction is to reject this option... why continue to poison the body unnecessarily? I know that dehydrated foods are downright difficult for the body to process and salt and onion powder and cayenne are basically excitotoxins (emphasis on the toxins). If my intention is to adopt an optimal diet, why not just DO IT and not look back?

On the other hand, Nora's approach certainly would allow me to not beat myself up today for again indulging in those darn Sprouted Salad Crunchies, that I promised that I WOULD NOT eat again after my discomfort 2 weeks ago. The question is why. After thinking about this for awhile, I think I am trying to numb myself from feeling the fear and pain of making so many "radical changes" and having many decisions and anxieties about the way forward for me and my family in many areas of our life.

In the short term, I am thinking about lending my dehydrator to a friend and buying some dates. The middle road?

Tomorrow, I plan to rest and read in bed for much of the day and fast. If the last time I ate like this was any indication, I will probably not be feeling well.




Today's Eating (and eating and eating and eating)



7:30 A couple of tablespoons of Sprouted Salad Crunchies
9:30 5 bananas, 1 small head bok choy
12:00 4 bananas blended over a lot of Four Seasons and Black-seeded Simpson lettuce
1-2 p.m. About 3 cups of black raspberries while picking
4 p.m. About 1 1/2 cups of Sprouted Salad Crunchies, 1 avocado
6 p.m. About 1 cup of bok choy with a bit of lime juice
8:30 p.m. A banana "shake" with 4 bananas



Approx. 2200 calories

Don't eat like me...

One of the new things I am getting used to is how to tell if I'm really hungry or not. It used to be that I ate when I got a craving, or during a scheduled mealtime. And since I was eating all kinds of toxic things that produced cravings and I had 3 meals scheduled for the family, I basically ate all the time.

Now, I don't have cravings to guide me. I don't take an hour three times a day to cook a meal either, although we still do three meals' worth of preparation such as cutting fruit, tossing salad, and blending dressings, soups, or smoothies.

I am having to learn how to experience true hunger, and let me tell you, it's not easy.

Two concepts I am trying to internalize:

1) Hunger is not a rumbling stomach (actually, this is a symptom of digestion of food still in your body). Hunger is also not cravings. Those are by-products of "food addictions," created by toxic substances that, like drugs, create withdrawal after they leave the body. After almost 2 months raw, I rarely experience tummy rumbling and I have no cravings. Now, I am waiting to get the "pleasant tingling sensation in the mouth and throat" that is supposedly the sign of true hunger. I'll keep you posted. Right now, I'm eating when I think, "I should eat!" Sometimes this feels like a response to physical hunger, like after I've been working for hours in the garden. But sometimes, it's just "time" to eat. So, this is still a work in progress!

By the way, eating monomeals is supposed to help with relearning the true signals of hunger and satiation. Though I do at least one monomeal per day, I probably could benefit from an extended stretch of all mono-meals, like a banana fast. Stay tuned.

2) It is not good for your body to be digesting all the time. You should try to eat several large meals instead of snacking all day. Digestion requires lots of energy and taxes your digestive organs if they don't get a rest between meals.

Sometimes, I find myself eating when I really need a rest, but am trying to force myself to keep moving. Today was one of those days.

Today's food

9:30 a.m. 10 C. watermelon
12 p.m. Some purslane while weeding the garden
1 p.m. 5 blended bananas over 4 C. Four Seasons and Black-seeded Simpson lettuce
5 p.m. About 2 C. mulberries off the tree, about 1 C. of sugar snap and shell peas
7:30 p.m. 4 blended bananas over 4 C. Four Seasons and Black-seeded Simpson lettuce
9:30 1/2 of a large red pepper, some seasoned lentil sprouts (only about 1 Tbs., had to check the seasoning for my Sprouted Salad Crunchies that I'm selling tomorrow at market)
10:30 A few more spoonfuls of seasoned lentil sprouts--the salt is calling my name! Go to bed already!

Approx. 1700 calories

Reflecting on my Raw Adventure

sample photo from Microsoft

Looking back, I realized that it has been officially 18 days into my raw adventure, with no non-raw food cheats. I am amazed at how easy it was to go raw, but also at how difficult it was to not abuse my body with food (albeit raw food). I had to give away trigger foods, like cashews. I learned a lot about why grains, high fat foods, and dehydrated foods can be harmful, and I felt the effects of various foods on my own body.

And I learned that if I want to be able to eat this way, some of my food is going to have to come from a dumpster. Luckily, I love the thrill of the hunt! (Did I mention that last week we scored 21 cantaloupes?!?)

How has 18 days of raw food affected me?

• I have lost 6 pounds, which I attribute to water weight from a decline in salt consumption, since my body fat percentage is still about the same.

• In the beginning, I did experience some detox symptoms, such as mild headaches, acidic nasal drainage, sore throat, etc. But those passed fairly quickly.

• My bowel symptoms such as bloating, gas, and constipation go away, as long as I don't eat lots of nuts, dried fruit or dehydrated foods. When I eat those things, however, I am very uncomfortable.

• I don't crave cooked food, salt, or sugar. However, I don't like watching food commercials on t.v., because I have a combination of revulsion and attraction, almost like the feeling you get when you pass a fatal car accident on the road.
  
• My normally sharp sense of smell is even sharper. My friend came over with gum in her mouth and the smell almost bowled me over. Very chemically!

• My skin is clearer and seems to have a glow about it.

• I am anxious about other's reaction to my diet. I feel fearful about people's views about my parenting skills. I am also anxious about being able to afford good quality fruit.
  

• I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, going from ecstasy and joyfulness to frustration and depression.

Thanks to all of my supporters who have helped me on my journey!

Marjorie

Start living

"We're always getting ready to live, but never living." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't even want to talk about what I ate yesterday... Too many dates, too many cashews. I crashed out at 8:30 and woke up slowly at 6:30.

I am so dehydrated this morning...

But I'm outta here, 'cuz I got a lotta living to do today.

Greenmama's Green Crackers

1 1/2 C. sprouted buckwheat

1 1/4 C. sprouted wheat

2 C. chopped raw kale

1 medium carrot, grated

1 medium tomato, quartered

Juice of 1 lemon

1/2 tsp. of sea salt (or maybe a bit less... these came out a bit too salty, I think)

1/2 tsp. onion powder (optional)

1/2 C. flaxmeal

1/2 C. raw sunflower seeds

Put sprouts, vegetables, lemon juice and seasonings into a blender and process into a paste. If you have a high-powered blender, like a Vitamix, the paste will be very smooth. If you have a cheap blender, it will be chunkier. Either way, the crackers will taste good.

Remove the paste from the blender and put into a bowl. Mix in flaxmeal and sunflower seeds. Spread thinly and evenly onto teflex sheets and score them into cracker shapes with a butter knife.

Dehydrate for 8-12 hours at 100 degrees. Turn over toward the end to make sure they dry on both sides.

Delicious with guacamole or tomato (or both).

*If you are not that worried about being raw and don't have a dehydrator, you can try this recipe in the oven. Place the crackers on greased cookie sheets and set your oven as low as it will go. Leave the door to the oven open while the crackers dry and watch them carefully so they don't burn.

Sowing the Seeds

Sorry, a little Tears for Fears reference for everyone who remembers 1989...

Today we spent 6 hours planting in our big garden at our friends' farm. It was super-windy, but we managed to keep our seeds from blowing away. It was nice to have my dear husband's help since it gets lonely out there sometimes. And it makes the work go twice as fast. Our friends were nice enough to entertain the kids all day. They fed chickens and visited the new baby chicks and other farm stuff.

We planted carrots, radishes, onion sets, spinach, endive, fava beans, rainbow chard, broccoli raab, and peas. Our first planting of lettuce is about thumb-sized now. As predicted, my rows of broccoli, cabbage, etc. were very crooked, but this time we used stakes and string and made a garden design around the crooked rows.

Today's eating:

10 a.m. 1 C. seedless watermelon (not sweet at all. Bummer!), 3/4 of a large cantaloupe

Snack in between planting 1 C. grapes

Around 2 p.m. 3/4 banana (I dropped it and didn't eat the dirty parts.) , 1 C. or so of lettuce thinnings from the garden

6 p.m. A huge salad of romaine, sprouts, lentil sprouts, chopped red and yellow peppers, chopped celery, shredded carrot, a tablespoon of hempseed, and dressing made with blended avocado, tomato, celery, cucumber, onion powder, Italian seasoning, sea salt and fresh lemon juice

9:30 Ice cream made with frozen mangoes, cashews, a little frozen banana and water, about 3 oz. of cashews also

And, of course, eating late and eating so many nuts made me feel lethargic and dehydrated.

Well, it is transition...

Instead of going to bed like I should have, I made Essene bread and some crackers and am sitting here blogging.

Well, tomorrow's a new day.

Transition

In the raw food world, many things are referred to as "transitional foods." Raw crackers and breads, fancy recipes, rich desserts, and sweeteners such as agave syrup are often lumped into this category. These are foods that are supposed to serve as substitutes for your formerly loved foods until you finally accept the ideal diet: raw fruit and vegetables in their natural state.

Some folks decry the use of "transitional foods" because it's argued that you have to DEAL with your food addictions and emotional eating, rather than simply transferring those habits to a different sort of food.

Yes, yes, yes, I say. I am ready. Intellectually, totally there. Today, my husband gave me a thousand reasons why he couldn't possibly live without corn on the cob or chocolate. (To which I said, then don't live without it... nobody's trying to make you do anything!) But my thought is, what exactly do these foods mean to us? If I eat something that hurts my body and yet I am emotionally attached to that food, what does that mean? Is food really my friend? My lover?

Millions (maybe billions) of people survive on a diet primarily made up of a few simple foods. Are they unhappy because of it? Aren't there hundreds of delicious foods that I love and make me feel great while making me healthy. Of course!

The problem, of course, is transition.

When I hear the word transition, I automatically think of childbirth. Transition is the stage of childbirth in which the cervix finishes dilating. It is the most intense part of childbirth (at least for women who have not been given drugs). Contractions are intense and come one after another with little rest. Intense surges of hormones often cause women to feel drugged or sleepy during this stage. Emotionally, this stage of labor is when most women will experience self-doubt. They will often say things like, "I can't do this." or "I can't be a mother." or "Make this stop." Fortunately, this stage is usually the shortest stage of labor and is soon followed by the empowering pushing stage and the birth of the baby.

Transition is a rite of passage. It prepares a woman for the dark side of parenting, for the crises of faith that can occur and be overcome. A woman who has seen the depths of despair and come through it to the ecstasy of birth is one powerful mama!

So perhaps I can't skip transition as I change my life either. Perhaps I have to face all of the doubt and pain and beat it back before I birth the wonderful new me.