Monday, December 31, 2007

Second Verse, Same as the First!

O.k., so the day started off a bit badly. Feeling crappy in the morning (a side effect of my past months of poor eating and stress). A disagreement with my husband.

Then it got better. Made up with my husband. Took a much-needed nap. A long walk in the winter wonderland. Oak trees with their golden leaves covered in snow. Why haven't those leaves fallen, I wonder? For my aesthetic appreciation? I approve! And sloggin' through that powdery white stuff sure works the glutes. But how is it that I still don't own any boots?

A nice family dinner (raw) and a fun dance party. We made New Year's wishes. The kids were pooped by 7:30 and went to bed. I can hear my hubbie breathing heavy in his chair downstairs and it's only 10 p.m. Ahhh.

I'm feeling utterly optimistic about 2008. My year to feel GREAT!

(Now, I might have to come read that over and over when the cleansing symptoms start. I could feel the burning in my nasal passages this morning... I'm ready, though!)

Sunday, December 30, 2007

O Happy Day

Nice to put something more positive at the top of the page.

So, I promised my daughter no more junk food. That felt good. Now I can't go back on my word! I feel great about that. Ready.

If I freak out, I'll just have to punch somebody. *grin* Just kiddin'.

Today, I got outside and went sledding with the kids. Got a free Ab Slide from a nice Freecycler. Worked out. Spent a great evening with my 3 year-old doin' kid stuff.

Today's Food

9 a.m. 6 oranges
12 p.m. Smoothie w/ 8 lrg. bananas and 1 1/3 cups raspberries
5:30 p.m. Big plate of lettuce w/ tomato-orange-celery blended for dressing
7 p.m. Smoothie w/ 6 lrg. bananas and 1 c. raspberries

Cal. 2400 (almost exactly what I burned!)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas... sigh

I don't even feel like telling a sad story. So I won't tell you one.

Today, my girls enjoyed painting with their watercolors. In fact, the dining room is covered with lovely abstract paintings and pictures of rainbows.

We walked downtown to the movie theater late in the afternoon and saw Alvin and the Chipmunks, which was tolerable for the adults and enjoyable for the kids.

I finished the evening by fighting with, and then making up with, my husband, and then eating half a cheese pizza, a whole bunch of corn chips, and some chocolate truffles. I then read Sarah's blog about feeling the lovely tingly feeling of well-being when she eats her fruit. Imagine the antithesis of that. That's what I feel...

Well, tomorrow is another day. I choose what to make of it.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Faith and Freedom

Yay! I got my spark back. Or, better yet, I found a spark I never had before.

So, I've been making huge strides lately, and I hope you'll indulge me as I glow a little.

First, I actually faced my mother and told her the outright truth (I won't go into the details because they're no biggie. But just saying them out loud and being honest about my feelings was a big hurdle for me). And, to my surprise, she accepted me! She actually told me that although our beliefs were different, she knew that "I was a person of faith," and that we shared the value of "loving others as ourselves." Wow. I told her that she was an inspiration to me and that she had helped me become the person I was, which is really true.

Another big step... I have been moving forward this week on tasks I have been procrastinating on for years. I have been repeating inwardly, "It is safe and o.k. to let go of all that I no longer need." And it is.

I have also stopped feeling so anxious, rushed, and stressed. I have realized that true emergencies are rare! A problem that is not "solved" immediately is not the end of the world.

Finally, I have done some major work with Elchanan from Path of Health and I can't say enough about how my life is changing as a result. I am embracing my faith... Faith that I can learn and grow and change. I can accept and love myself. I can love others as they are, and further, I can choose what I give and receive from others. (I realized that I often felt I needed to force my information on others to save them... like a missionary! And I can see now why that approach doesn't accomplish anything or help anyone.)

Finally, I have come to undrstand that we are born FREE. Free to learn from all situations, the good and the irritating.

I have been working to learn what it is that I seek when I head for junk food. The surprising answer... I am seeking to block out my own negative judgements of myself. When I lose faith in my ability to create financial resources, or parent effectively, or create and sustain close relationships, that is when I want to binge.

If I can trust that I am always learning and growing, that I will always do my best, and that my best is good enough for this moment... IF I CAN JUST HAVE FAITH (enter choir), then all is well.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Is that hope on the horizon?

The other night, someone said to me, "This is who you are..." And they went on to describe me better than I could describe myself. There was a sort of thrill and relief that went through me.

I do not have to try to be someone I am not just because I am afraid of rejection. Because I will NEVER feel happy pretending. WOW! Sounds simple, but I assure you, it's a big breakthrough for me. More to come, I hope.

I am now done with my library job. The sweet kids gave me tons of hugs. The kindergarteners gave me a book that they made. The teachers brought me fruit and veggie trays, chips and salsa, and a gift certificate to a bookstore. I enjoyed my time there, but am happy to be done. My last formal job ended so badly (getting fired basically), so it is nice to have done well at this job and be appreciated. I know this is not a job I would want to do as my life's work and so I can move on without feeling like I "failed" or lost out in any way.

The "last day" was strenuous, and that along with the stress my body has been put through lately, I went to bed at 6 p.m. last night and slept 14 hours. I guess I needed it!

Tonight, I am SO excited because I joined the Fruitarian Fitness 90 Day Body Challenge. I want to feel fantastic again! Anyone else in?

Friday, December 7, 2007

Should it be this hard?

I am home sick today, sick because I have not been taking care of my health. I am chronically stressed out, eating 80-10-10 on and off (and when I'm off, it's really off... like eating 4000 calories of potato chips, Taco Bell and candy bars off.) The weather is cold and snowy, so I haven't been forcing myself to go outside and walk. Blah.

After sleeping all morning, I am surfing the 'Net for inspiration. I stumbled across the Ultimate List of Raw Food Blogs and began visiting those I wasn't familiar with. What hit me at first was that it is shocking how many people are struggling the exact same way I am. On and off raw and/or low-fat, and almost 100% of it is emotional.

How did we, as humanity, end up so unhappy?

Which brings me to my 3 year-old. Yesterday, my husband and I were having a very deep philosophical conversation about the nature of life. When I say deep... let's just say that philosophers such as Rousseau and Hobbes were mentioned, as well as Eastern philosophies/ religions such as Taoism and Buddhism. All of a sudden, in response to something one of us said, our 3 year-old interrupted emphatically,

"Life is NOT rotten."

We had no idea she was listening, let alone able to follow the conversation... We swiveled our heads around in amazement and she gave us the sweetest smile and said,

"Life is pretty."

Well, there you have it... We all just have to go back to our 3 year-old selves somehow.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Our New Thanksgiving

This year, we decided to begin to break away from the toxic traditions and behaviors from our past and begin to establish our own family tradition that is more in line with our values. We value togetherness, love and gratitude. We value health and happiness.

We were very afraid to simply say to our families, "We are not coming to the Thanksgiving gorge this year, because ____________." We also realized that it would be futile to say, "We are coming, but we will only participate in our way." We have tried that in the past with no good results.

So, in lieu of brutal honesty, we chose escape. We planned a small trip to Madison, to a Holiday Inn that has a small indoor waterpark called Crawdaddy Cove.

Our children, particularly our oldest, were a little skeptical. The night before we left, he spent quite some time crying and listing all of his fears about how horrible the trip would be and how upset he was that he was going to miss out on turkey and Cartoon Network at Papa and Grandma's. However, as you see, he revised his opinion and all the children had a great time.

For our Thanksgiving dinner, I prepared a surprise plate. It LOOKS like an ordinary salad, right?

But this surprise was hiding beneath. The children enjoyed uncovering the design and eating "special occasion food" such as raisins, figs, and raw peanuts.

After dinner, we read three special Thanksgiving stories, all humorous and with the theme of sparing the turkey. I read A Turkey for Thanksgiving, by Eve Bunting, illustrated by Diane DeGroat.

Our son read A Plump and Perky Turkey, by Teresa Bateman and illustrated by Jeff Shelley.

My husband read 'Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving, by Dav Pilkey.

I will rate the whole experience as a qualified success. My husband and I had a bit of trouble relaxing and enjoying ourselves, preoccupied with many major decisions and changes facing our family soon.

Crawdaddy Cove was just o.k. The chlorine was overpowering and our five year-old got sick from it.

Next year, our Thanksgiving trip will hopefully be an utterly joyous occasion that will take place somewhere with fresh water and sunshine.