Saturday, January 5, 2008

I don't like waiting!

The waiting is the hardest part

Every day you see one more card

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

from The Waiting by Tom Petty

Actually, I can stand in line just fine. I don't usually race around trying to find the shortest grocery lane. I don't harumph with irritation if someone is 5 minutes late to meet me.

But when it comes to the changes I want to see manifest in my life, I really feel anxious and well, impatient.

I don't want to spend another week desperately hoping that we won't run out of money for food. This has gone on literally as long as I can remember, no matter what our earnings. We ALWAYS run out of money to pay all of the bills or have to subsist on bananas or dumpster gleanings for the last 3 days before payday.

I don't want to spend another winter shivering and feeling blue from lack of sunlight.

Is impatience a lack of faith? Possibly. Possibly I don't really believe I can create a stable financial situation or ever have the courage to start my life over in a new place. Perhaps I don't have faith in myself. Perhaps I am afraid to make some sort of "fatal" mistake if I make huge changes.

At this point, perhaps impatience is simply a symptom of system overload. I literally cannot take this amount of pain and stress for much longer. I have reached the end of my tolerance. Much more, and my spirit may sicken and die.


Banana Island said...

Marjorie, that is not a good way to live or a healthy way to bring up your children, I agree. I went through a lot of the same things when my children were growing up and have many regrets now.

What is the answer? I am not sure, but I received a book in the mail today that gives me great hope that I am headed toward finding the way. I am not suggesting you stretch your finances to buy the book, but you may want to look at the website of Mabel Katz and explore her ideas and ho' pono pono. I am getting a great deal from this very simple exercise, maybe you can too.

I was thinking of you last night during meditation and sent you blessings and healings. I think you may be nearing a point of peace for you and your family.

Remember, though it sounds cliche, it really is darkest just before dawn.

Much Love!

Greenmama said...


I appreciate all of your wisdom and encouragement. It means the world to me!


Sarah said...

(((hugs))) to you, Marjorie. I don't have any sage words to say, but you are in my thoughts and I wish you all that you desire and more!

lena said...

if you keep thinking and stressing about financial problems, you will only get more financial problems.
i strongly believe in the Law of Attraction and im trying to use it daily.
here is a great link that talks more about it if you are unfamiliar,

Think Money.. think that you are in the process of obtaining money. Feel it in your hands. You will have money :)