Feast Days 3 & 4

Day 2, May 28

Movement: Cardio Salsa workout, Feldenkrais Lesson "Freeing the Hip Joint"

Food: Mangoes, Cherry-banana smoothie, romaine lettuce

Joy: I finally got the last of my melons planted! My baby is so happy to spend some time naked now that the weather is nice. Nothin' is cuter than a naked baby running about happy and free.

Day 3, May 29

Movement: Slim and Sleek Fast workout, walking

Food Nightmare!!! I tried so hard today. We only had 3 ripe mangos left, so I enjoyed those. I went to a different Farmer's Market, as I had a class to attend in a different town. No ripe strawberries yet. :( I went to the store after my class but could not get anything ripe, so the pile of "ripening" fruit in my kitchen has grown, but nothing to eat. I ate two pints of sour raspberries that were starting to mold on the way home. How can they look so pretty and be so sour?

I was really hungry and really annoyed by the time I got home. First I cut up a pineapple. Not ripe, too sour for me. I tried the papaya that was yellow as can be and starting to mold a bit. I knew by smell that it might need a couple more days, but I had to try. Unfortunately, some rot had gotten into the stem and invaded the seed cavity. I tried to salvage some undamaged fruit, but it was, of course, unripe. Then I tried the last watermelon. No good. Over-ripe, slimy, verging on fermented... I had one bunch of bananas that had sugar spots, but they looked a bit hard and green still. I tried. As I suspected, not ripe. With no options left, I blended 5 of them with some frozen sweet cherries. I also had some delicious baby bok choy from my garden, and some Freckles lettuce from the Farmer's Market. This tided me over for a little while, but not surprisingly, by dinner time, I was eating cooked lentils and brown rice and veggies because I was hungry and frustrated. Hey Universe, I need at least 3000 calories of good quality fruit per day!

I really start feeling despair when I spend so much of our limited resources on fruit that ends up in the compost. I have to predict how much to buy when my children's eating habits can be unpredictable. Some times I have too many ripe bananas, other times we run out. I have to order my bulk produce sight unseen, and pray that it is good quality and will be ripe in a reasonable amount of time... about half the time something goes wrong in this equation. And the worst is when I have to take a risk on buying unripe fruit, like pineapples, papayas and mangoes, and hope they will ripen before they rot. Or when I have to buy fruits, like melons, that might look fine on the outside but are horrible inside. Ack!

\

Well, chalk it up to a learning curve that I am going to master. (But I am afraid the real solution here is to move to a farm in a semi-tropical location, or become moderately wealthy and increase my produce budget by 300%.)

In other complaining news, I stepped on a bee today and was in horrible pain for about 2 hours afterward. And so, no gardening.

Self-Love: I love that I am a work in progress. I love that I am beginning to have clarity about some of my stumbling blocks in my raw journey, so that I can start to attract solutions.

Joy: Got to reconnect with some good friends at the Farmer's Market today. And I got to see Trudi Temple speak. She is a fabulous, funny, inspirational firecracker of a person.

Feast Days 1 & 2

Day 1 5/26

Food: Mangos, bananas, blended strawberries and tomatoes, romaine lettuce. Not enough ripe fruit in the house today, so I didn't eat enough.

Movement: Walking and Feldenkrais Lesson #3 Rolling to sit.

Love and Joy: Dancing with my cute baby. Reading my 5 year-old's kindergarten portfolio and seeing how much she has grown this year. Today is the kids' last day of school and summer fun begins.


Day 2 5/27 My dear husband's 35th birthday.

Food: Mangos, banana/ sweet cherry smoothie, cherub tomatoes, avocado and romaine, cooked food from my husband's birthday dinner (not happy about that one... but it gave me an opportunity to practice self-acceptance and compassion)

Movement: Walked with the children to the park and chased the baby around for awhile.

Healing: Was feeling a lot of shame and sadness early in the day. Was later able to pinpoint what had triggered that and name my needs around that, but I still could have used some more... something. Was feeling stressed. But, last night I was able to offer my daughter some empathy when she got really upset and scared at bedtime. She was really receptive to it, and calmed down. It was so nice to be able to help her. She hugged me really tight and told me she loved me, and then went right to sleep.

Love and joy: Got my kids a little kiddie pool that they have been asking for. They were so happy! Felt lots of love for my husband who is having a mini midlife crisis on his birthday. LOL!

Celebrating the New Year of the New Me!

I am ready for big things in 2010 and have started out the New Year living my intentions.

January 1st, I fasted on water with the lovely folks at the Naked Food Cafe. I have been enjoying lovely fruits and greens since then. I even served tater tots, a long-time cheat food, to my family today without popping a single one in my mouth. And I didn't feel disappointed at all. They actually kinda stink.

I got a cheapy little electric orange juicer yesterday and we made our first yummy OJ today. My 10 year-old set it up for me and read the directions, and he and the girls did a lot of the juicing while I made the rest of the dinner. Fun and delicious! It was easy to go through 8 lbs. of oranges in one meal, however, which brought up some of my fears about money and the price of feeding my family quality food. Deep breath. Letting it go for right now.

After only 3 days without salt and other junk, I am already feeling a lot less achey and bloated than I usually do. I had fun rebounding vigorously for 30 minutes, as I recovered from my respiratory illness much more easily. However, I have had a little bit of trouble with the timing and quantity of my food, so I am undereating and a bit hungry. Not to worry. I have ripe bananas and frozen raspberries, so I will have a nice big meal for breakfast and get back on track. I also have lots of Barhi dates. Mmmm.

After some research, including this article by Don Bennett, I decided that our family are all going to take a Vitamin D supplement. I am not thrilled about this, but have decided that it is the best we can do for our health in our current location. I have been dreaming a lot about our future tropical paradise where I will grow fruit trees and bask in the glorious rays of the sun year-round. (Hear that, universe?)

I am so happy to have my family and friends, especially the lovely online raw community I have found through this blog, and to celebrate the reawakening of my hope and joy in this lovely New Year.

Second Verse, Same as the First!

O.k., so the day started off a bit badly. Feeling crappy in the morning (a side effect of my past months of poor eating and stress). A disagreement with my husband.

Then it got better. Made up with my husband. Took a much-needed nap. A long walk in the winter wonderland. Oak trees with their golden leaves covered in snow. Why haven't those leaves fallen, I wonder? For my aesthetic appreciation? I approve! And sloggin' through that powdery white stuff sure works the glutes. But how is it that I still don't own any boots?

A nice family dinner (raw) and a fun dance party. We made New Year's wishes. The kids were pooped by 7:30 and went to bed. I can hear my hubbie breathing heavy in his chair downstairs and it's only 10 p.m. Ahhh.

I'm feeling utterly optimistic about 2008. My year to feel GREAT!

(Now, I might have to come read that over and over when the cleansing symptoms start. I could feel the burning in my nasal passages this morning... I'm ready, though!)

O Happy Day

Nice to put something more positive at the top of the page.

So, I promised my daughter no more junk food. That felt good. Now I can't go back on my word! I feel great about that. Ready.

If I freak out, I'll just have to punch somebody. *grin* Just kiddin'.

Today, I got outside and went sledding with the kids. Got a free Ab Slide from a nice Freecycler. Worked out. Spent a great evening with my 3 year-old doin' kid stuff.

Today's Food

9 a.m. 6 oranges
12 p.m. Smoothie w/ 8 lrg. bananas and 1 1/3 cups raspberries
5:30 p.m. Big plate of lettuce w/ tomato-orange-celery blended for dressing
7 p.m. Smoothie w/ 6 lrg. bananas and 1 c. raspberries

Cal. 2400 (almost exactly what I burned!)

Our New Thanksgiving

This year, we decided to begin to break away from the toxic traditions and behaviors from our past and begin to establish our own family tradition that is more in line with our values. We value togetherness, love and gratitude. We value health and happiness.

We were very afraid to simply say to our families, "We are not coming to the Thanksgiving gorge this year, because ____________." We also realized that it would be futile to say, "We are coming, but we will only participate in our way." We have tried that in the past with no good results.

So, in lieu of brutal honesty, we chose escape. We planned a small trip to Madison, to a Holiday Inn that has a small indoor waterpark called Crawdaddy Cove.

Our children, particularly our oldest, were a little skeptical. The night before we left, he spent quite some time crying and listing all of his fears about how horrible the trip would be and how upset he was that he was going to miss out on turkey and Cartoon Network at Papa and Grandma's. However, as you see, he revised his opinion and all the children had a great time.


For our Thanksgiving dinner, I prepared a surprise plate. It LOOKS like an ordinary salad, right?

But this surprise was hiding beneath. The children enjoyed uncovering the design and eating "special occasion food" such as raisins, figs, and raw peanuts.

After dinner, we read three special Thanksgiving stories, all humorous and with the theme of sparing the turkey. I read A Turkey for Thanksgiving, by Eve Bunting, illustrated by Diane DeGroat.

Our son read A Plump and Perky Turkey, by Teresa Bateman and illustrated by Jeff Shelley.

My husband read 'Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving, by Dav Pilkey.

I will rate the whole experience as a qualified success. My husband and I had a bit of trouble relaxing and enjoying ourselves, preoccupied with many major decisions and changes facing our family soon.

Crawdaddy Cove was just o.k. The chlorine was overpowering and our five year-old got sick from it.

Next year, our Thanksgiving trip will hopefully be an utterly joyous occasion that will take place somewhere with fresh water and sunshine.

I'm Back (I hope)

Don't want to jinx it, but this is Day 3 of all raw.

I've been eating lots of papaya, which is quite possibly my favorite fruit. We got some good citrus, too. And I tried some of my Fuyu persimmons that I got at a major bargain price--2 forty pound cases for $70. Not totally ripe yet, but still sweet and yummy.

I am experiencing some cleansing symptoms already, such as an intermittent headache, a rash/ hives that migrate around my body, and other mild irritations.

I feel a lot less dehydrated, bloated, and backed up, though. So that makes up for it. LOL!

Someone (Elchanan from Path of Health) suggested that every time I feel a craving, I should stop and try to explore what might have triggered it. This has helped somewhat. Sometimes, I realize that I feel upset about X, but I can't really solve X at this point. So it can be a little frustrating.

My husband and kids and I are taking a mini-trip for Thanksgiving to an indoor waterpark. We hope it will be a time to really bond as a family. I may end up in bed the whole time.

Fruit Fun

A lovely papaya tree: coming soon to my back yard? Not!

So, I'm still struggling and suffering. LOL. Thanks to all of you who have left supportive comments on my blog. I really do appreciate it.

However, I don't want to talk about that right now... I want to talk about something crazy that happened today. Today, I cut open a ripe papaya (a Maradol variety from Mexico) and the seeds inside were all sprouted. Some had little tails, but some had actual seed leaves on them. Whoa! I've never seen that before. By the way, there was nothing wrong with the papaya. It was quite good.

I also had a ripe Hachiya persimmon tonight. I liked it! My husband got it at Woodman's in Rockford when he went to buy our son's birthday present. We don't go to Rockford much.

Our local grocery store just got Fuyu persimmons in. I was very excited, since I have been reading about persimmons on Banana Island and on Harmony's blog. They didn't have the price posted yet, but I decided to take a risk and put 3 in my cart for us to try. I got to the checkout with my persimmons and the rest of my fruit. I was tired and starting to zone out as the cashier was ringing everything. I suddenly began paying attention when the persimmons rang up at $4.97. "Wait!" I said in alarm, "How much are those a pound?"

"Oh, we sell them by the each," said the cashier. "They're $1.50 each." To put this in perspective, let me tell you that these persimmons are the size of a plum. And they are $1.50 each! Needless to say, I only got one persimmon, not three. It is still ripening on the counter. I hope to be able to tell you soon whether it is as extravagant as its price.

Finally, my son's birthday was yesterday and we celebrated the occasion with a combination of his two favorite fruits, apples and dates. We made an apple-date pie with a date crust, shredded Fuji apples, date sauce (made with water and dates) and a tiny sprinkle of Chinese 5 spice powder. (Recipe courtesy of the Path of Health, Chinese 5 spice our variation...) We all enjoyed it! Now, if only I had a photo. Note to self: charge the camera batteries the day before all birthdays. LOL!

Struggling

I have been working on a lot of personal issues and it is hard work, let me tell you!

I have been binge-ing on junk food fairly frequently and feeling generally bad about myself, which is why I haven't been posting here. But I feel like I am ready to stop feeling horrible and start feeling good again. It is AWEFUL to know what it's like to feel good, and yet to continue to make yourself feel bad. Sigh.

To add insult to injury, I have had an itchy rash all over my face and sores in the corner of my mouth for the past 4 days. Enough! Really...

There are exciting developments in other areas of my life, however. My husband has joined Path of Health and has been eating 80-10-10 raw for almost a week now. We are reading the Nonviolent Communication book Language of Compassion. We are working on our homeschooling vision as well.

And, I have been offered a job opportunity to work with my farmer friend Phil next summer. Will I do it? The successful class I had with young children in the community garden seems to be leading me to make some changes in that project as well.

Stay tuned.

Feeling the Love

I am so grateful for the outpouring of support from my friends! Wow. I am also disconcerted a bit by all those online and in my own life who have responded with their own questions, fears and skepticism.

I am thankful that people feel comfortable sharing their concerns and asking their questions. At the same time, I feel a bit nervous taking on the role of expert or even role model. I share my own personal experiences with the hopes that they will help others feel confident to try 80-10-10 out. I encourage anyone who has questions to go to Dr. Graham's VegSource Forum or the PathOfHealth Yahoogroup. These folks really ARE experts and role models.

I guess I should clarify for those of you who might wonder... I have ZERO doubts about the health, safety and normalcy of eating a diet of raw fruit and tender greens. That's right, folks, I truly believe that this is the way that humans are designed to eat, and that anything else will result in less than optimal health.

I also know that as Dr. Graham says, it's direction, not speed, that counts. I am going in the right direction again, thank goodness!

A Day's Menu

I have been lax about posting what I eat in the past weeks. Give me a break, I'm working full-time now. LOL!

Anyway, here's today's food...

7 a.m. A smoothie made with 6 medium bananas and 1 1/2 cups of frozen mango
12 p.m. 2 1/2 cups red grapes, 1 cup heirloom cherry tomatoes, 3 leaves of romaine
5:30 p.m. A smoothie made with 7 medium bananas and 1 cup frozen mango, a salad with 4 C. local red leaf lettuce, 2 C. chopped heirloom tomatoes, and 3 large Medjool dates for dessert

Total: 2200 calories

Perfect for the amount I expended.

I did some walking, running, calisthenics and strength training and aerobics today. Sounds like a lot, but only added up to 40 minutes... Better than the 15 minutes I've been getting for the past few weeks.

Healing

I have a bad habit of thinking of myself as completely healthy now that I eat raw.

I tend to forget that I've only been eating 80-10-10 for a few months and that although my health has improved dramatically in that time, I still have years worth of toxins to dump and massive healing to be done.

On Tuesday, I stayed home sick from school. I had a low-grade fever in the morning and a very runny nose. I didn't eat much and I slept most of the day. Interestingly, I had 6 bowel movements (all "normal"). I felt pretty light and cleaned out. Maybe my body was spending more time repairing my bowel, which had been pretty irritated for the last 2 years or so.

I felt much better on Wednesday. Ideally, I would have taken another day off just to rest and recover fully, but I don't have paid sick leave, so back to work I went.

I feel good thinking about all of the repair work my body is able to do without me consciously directing it. All I have to do is "stay out of the way" by not consuming toxic substances and resting properly.

Three Lousy French Fries

Well, folks, after eating 100% raw exclusively since April 29th, I finally had my first cheat.

During lunch today, I ate three crinkle cut fries (no salt, no catsup) off of someone's plate. Why? Well, that's a darn good question. I don't remember being really self-aware at that moment. It's not like I did it without thinking. It's not even like I felt compelled by an overwhelming craving or even a strong desire for the fries.

I do remember thinking... all this time; is it worth it to "break the streak" for some lousy cafeteria fries? The answer was, no. They were cold, tasteless (I was a bit suprised that they weren't salted or chemically at all--I believe my tastebuds would pick up on that stuff). They were quite mushy in texture, not because they weren't cooked properly, but because potatoes are mushier than I remember. They also had an unpleasant, starchy potato taste and a slightly oily sheen to them. Very bland. Not sweet.

So why did I do it? Honestly, I'm not quite sure. I do know that I ate less than half the calories than I was supposed to yesterday and this morning was forced to choose between unripe bananas and unripe honeydew melon. I have been quite crabby about food. There have been no ripe bananas to be had in my entire town (5 stores I've been to and all the bananas are the identical shade of pale yellow tinged with green). Local melons are on the downswing. My garden is cashing out. So, I feel very disappointed with the lack of good food choices available to me. I have also been feeling pretty frustrated by not having enough money or the right location to access quality food.

Also, I am not getting enough rest and I was particularly stressed at my job today. But I didn't feel like I was eating "emotionally" at the time that I did it. I feel frustrated that I still lack the self-awareness to understand why I am choosing certain actions. I want clarity, darn it! Clarity about what I want and why.

Well, now I know that I don't want french fries.

I was a bit afraid after I ate the fries that I would get ill, but I had no noticeable symptoms. My mouth was very dry and bad-tasting in the afternoon, but I have had that symptom for weeks. I drink LOTS of water and don't eat salt at all, so I don't know what this symptom is telling me.

Isn't Nutridiary cool?

(In case you're wondering, the first pic shows my calorie distribution in upright bars. The blue is for carbs. It also tells my weight and body fat percentage when I started Nutridiary in August and as of today. Get out your magnifying glasses. LOL! The second chart shows calories burned vs. calories consumed. The bottom line is calories consumed. As you can see, I haven't been eating enough, but am getting closer now.)

Nutridiary is so fun to play with. I love charts and graphs and detailed information. But, really, how much time does it take out of my day to chart every bit of food I consume and how much I exercise and how big my waist is. And then to scrutinize these fun graphs... Sheesh! Just go eat some watermelon and be done with it.

Knowing how many calories a computer system estimates I should eat is helpful, to a point. But really, at some point, I have to move past that and be able to tell my actual body's signals for hunger and thirst. And I have to build a life that allows me to eat what I need, when I need it, which is not currently the case. (This need is also extended to all of the rest of my being's needs--rest, sunshine, exercise, spiritual fulfillment, emotional ease, etc.)

So, I have been thinking about this a lot. How to manifest my REAL life, the one I'm meant to be living.

A further update. The difference in my mood and cravings and my ability to work out is unbelievable after just a few days of getting my calories up. I am still working at it.

Also, I am trying to work especially with my oldest son, who is undereating as well. We had some good talks and some good smoothies this weekend.

Improvements already!

Day three of getting those calories up there. Already I'm noticing significant improvements! The cravings are massively lessening. And, I ran a full lap around the track at a pretty good speed without feeling like I was going to die.

Too tired to post much more. It's been a super-busy week at work with the Open House and the Book Fair lasting late into the night on Wednesday. And packing the Book Fair (along with the rest of the job).

I also was at the Community Garden tonight. Lots of stuff going on there. There are amazing sweet potatoes to harvest and sell soon.

Today's food

7 a.m. 6 nanas and 1/4 large head iceberg
12 p.m. 7 nanas
6 p.m A huge salad of the rest of the head of iceberg, a mango, 2/3 of an avocado, a huge red heirloom tomato, and a yellow tomato
7 p.m. A few pods of okra while harvesting

1880 cal. C-F-P 84-10-6

A couple hundred calories short

Where've you been, Greenmama?

I am so happy to have a long weekend to relax and rejuvenate! I skipped the Farmer's Market today as my partner was out of town (that makes 4 out of the last 5!) and I just felt I needed the break.

My job is going better than I feared. I really enjoy the children and being surrounded by books. The rest of it sucks, but the first two things make it doable. My kids are enjoying school, although we've already had some difficulties there. They are a bit overtaxed by the long intense days and tend to be tired and irritable at certain times of the day (usually when we have to get ready to leave and time is of the essence). So, we're surviving.

We are again completely out of cash. We don't have enough money to buy food or gas to get us to work every day next week. Of course, we'll manage somehow. We always do. Next week will be my first full paycheck and it will also have some extra hours for the Book Fair, so that will be fine.

I am doing some Dynamic Self-Discovery one-on-one sessions with Elchanan and our first session focused on my ability to create resources. "I am ready, willing, and able to have and to spend whatever money my heart desires--now." I still feel like that is such a wonderful thing to say and I can't wait until it is true. I am ready, willing, and able... o.k., not "able" at this point because there is no cash. LOL! Another gem, "When you have more, you have more to give." That feels really wonderful. There are so many people and causes I would love to give more to. So, in order to give, I must be able to receive. I have to receive the abundance that is out there for me before I can share it. (Where is it, though?)

On the raw food front. I am still eating low fat raw vegan. I have been eating mostly local watermelon, with a few bananas, and tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, and squash from the garden. I have been a little lax on my greens, every third day or so. Yesterday I had a lot of green leaf and romaine. My community garden box has a lot of salad greens that are about 1 1/2 inches high, so I'm looking forward to eating those soon.

On the exercise front, I have been consistently getting 15-30 minutes of walk/jog in on my lunch break at work. It's nice to get the sunshine and the exercise helps me feel better. I need more exercise and want to build more muscle and core strength. But I feel so exhausted by the end of the day that I am just collapsing. About the most I can get myself to do in the evening is read a little bit of the new Harry Potter. Even if I do have any spare energy, I feel like I need to do things like dishes and laundry and packing lunches for the next day.

At the suggestion of the Path of Health group, I set up a free account at Nutridiary. I have always used SparkPeople and they have nice features, but Nutridiary is a lot more helpful because they add up the calories you burned and subtract the calories you ate and give you a total--how many calories are you over or under-eating. Wow, I am consistently undereating by quite a bit. I was ingrained in the dieter's myth that as long as I was eating more than 1200 calories, I would be fine. But my activity level burns significantly more than that. That could be why I have lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks and why I am experiencing a lot of food "cravings." The cravings are more like obsessive thoughts, rather than actually WANTING to eat foods. I can go into the cafeteria and buy the foods like French fries or nachos. I don't do it. I could. I don't even feel like I am stopping myself from doing it.

But yet, I find myself thinking about these foods and even remembering what they taste like. Sigh. Part of me wonders about the theory I've heard about cravings being triggered when you burn fat, because the fat was created by those foods and particles of them are released into your bloodstream. I used to think it was absurd, but now I wonder.

Anyway, I usually feel better if I just EAT. But I sometimes have to delay because of my schedule. And, we just don't have much food. Bananas are the solution, but I procrastinate eating them. I don't really like bananas much. I don't hate them. I just feel blah about bananas.

So, that's me, right now. Here I am. Greenmama, out.

Tuckered out!

My kids started school today. They enjoyed it for the most part. I had a busy day at work. Looks like they're all that way. I enjoyed some of it. It's challenging for me to feel utterly exhausted by 6 p.m.

Tonight I spent a little time with my five year-old, just the two of us. We took a bike ride to the community garden. We found an okra pod the size of a large carrot!

Still eating raw food.

Last night, I listened to a Path of Health teleconference called Monoeating and Self-Love. At the end, the speaker Elchanan reminded us to stop thinking about what goals we haven't accomplished and look back and appreciate how far we've come. So, I think I will try to focus on how much my life has improved in the last few months and just feel grateful.

I LOVE garden club. I love spending time with interesting people more than twice my age. Seriously... I wish I could recount all of the fascinating and unusual stories and funny jokes I heard tonight. I stayed late with a couple of interesting octagenarians and we talked about everything from what it was like to be a repo man fifty years ago, to why the phone company sucks, to a 92 year-old movie shot by Thomas Edison, to the Renaissance, to San Padre Island and the cheerleaders one can meet there. Gus Petrakis told me that he was in love with me and offered me some uzo. A girl could get used to that. I better be careful, he's got a book called Windows XP for Dummies on his coffee table and may find my mention of his name on Google. (Hi, Gus.)

Anyway, it's past my bedtime. (No, I didn't have any uzo.)

A note about my food record... I am sorry I've been lax about this. I doing well for weeks now eating about 90-5-5. I am eating a lot of bananas and local melons, as well as lettuce. My friend brought me an order of peaches and blueberries from Michigan. The rest of my diet is stuff out of my garden--cucumbers, tomatoes, okra, and tomatillos.

I need to consistently eat more calories. Work is wreaking havoc on my eating schedule. I have to eat way earlier than I want to or wait until 11:30, when I'd be starving. I want to get in some outdoor walking during my lunch break, but I only have 30 minutes to both walk and eat, so it's a bit hairy. I feel lousy if I don't get some exercise, fresh air and sunshine, though. Then I feel ravenous after school and start eating and don't quit until after dinner. So I'm eating too many kinds of foods together in the evening.

I'm sure I'll get into a more comfortable routine soon.

Tired (and tired of being negative)

The title says it all.

Literally, at times this week, I have only not eaten cooked foods because I know I will get violently ill. Several items that have been occupying my mind... Taco Bell bean burritoes, vegetarian super-nachos, and waffle fries. When I think of them, I simultaneously feel desire and nausea. The thought of eating them literally makes me want to vomit.

But then at other times, I feel better.

Actually, I don't think there's much I could say at this point that would be interesting or useful to anyone. But I want to record how I feel for the future. So when everything is all wonderful and I am the person I always was meant to be, I can look back and see the depths from which I rose.

Geez, even that sounds bad.

Ok, two things I am grateful for... Patton Oswalt (warning explicit language, but GOOD GOD, this guy is funny) and Tomato-Peach Soup (recipe in Dr. Graham's 80-10-10 Diet).

Good night all and thank you for being here for me.

Rainy weekend

Work has started and life is busy. Today, it was raining, so I worked on washing and slicing tomatoes for dehydrating. We've got a lot of tomatoes. I don't know how the rest will do with all of this rain. We've been getting so much rain that the beans are molding on the vine. I have some pinto beans ready to pick, but no customer, so I'm not in a hurry to pick them. It rained off and on all day anyway.

I am reading a fantastic book called "How Children Learn" by John Holt. I recommend it to everyone who will ever interact with a child. Actually, it is giving me some insights into some of my own feelings about learning--for example, why I feel confident and able when approaching certain learning tasks, but incompetent and fearful approaching others. I am really, REALLY looking forward to releasing my children from school next year and feel anxious and impatient about this year. We are struggling financially and I want it to stop. But, I seem to be resisting the jobs that will pay the bills, too. LOL!

I checked my body fat percentage today and it is still hovering about 25%. I really need to get busy on the exercise. I'd feel better, too. So, I'm headed down to do a step aerobics video and maybe a little strength training.

Today's Eating

10 a.m. About 12 C. local watermelon
12 p.m. 9 Calimyrna figs (a gift from a friend)
2 p.m. 6 more cups of watermelon
6 p.m. Organic baby romaine and spinach with tomatoes and Armenian Snake Cucumbers from my garden

Approx. 1500 cal., C-P-F 89-7-4