Setting myself up for success...

I bought 14 lbs. of organic bartlett pears today at a cost of $30. Actually I purchased $175 worth of groceries, but the pears were the purchase that triggered an odd mixture of anxiety, frustration, happiness, pride and determination. You see, I want to eat the foods that are optimum fuel for my body (and my baby's). I am tired of waking up every morning with foul-tasting dry mouth, aching hands and feet, and the other myriad of symptoms I suffer from my cooked dinner.

But the problem is bigger than reaching for a plate of rice rather than a delicious smoothie at 6 p.m. The problem starts much earlier. I can only choose from what is available to me. Currently, I simply do not ever have enough ripe good quality fruit available in my home to choose to eat healthfully for a entire day.

Which brings us to the anxiety about buying $30 worth of pears. The thing is, we spend an insane amount of money on food in relation to what we earn. We have financial difficulties, and not just related to our food budget, and relationship difficulties about how to handle our financial difficulties. So you can see why $30 worth of fruit might be a landmine. It was all I could do not to be whisked away in the aisle at the store--spinning into guilt about past choices and into worrying about the future and how I could fix it.

In an attempt to derail the wave of anxiety overtaking me, I suddenly found myself in the midst of frustration instead. My choices are so limited and often low quality for a high price. The organic apples are double in price but bruised. The citrus, both organic and nonorganic, is unripe and sour. The bananas all are shipped and gassed on the same day, every other week, leading to a feast-or-famine cycle. The fantastic grapes I had last week are all gone. I am excited for my dates to arrive, but downhearted at the thought of an entire $30 going to ship them. So much of my money is tied up in things I wouldn't even need if I lived in a climate suited to humans--snow boots and coats for the kids, hundreds of dollars a month on heating, salt and snow removal. Suddenly, it occurs to me that I am whining... a lot!

I begin to feel grateful. Here are these gorgeous pears, my favorite variety, on sale. Instead of buying just a few, I load up on them, taking almost all they had. I am lucky to have a lovely family and a nice warm shelter from the winter weather. And I have $175 (nope, no credit card debt!) to spend on groceries. All of my financial worries aside, I have the money to keep the heat on and my stomach full and boots on my kids feet. And honestly, if I hadn't bought the pears, I would have spent the same amount on junk food or condiments.

Suddenly, I was feeling proud and optimistic. I was consciously choosing to purchase a quantity of quality fruit ahead of time, so I wouldn't find myself stuck with nothing to eat but cooked food. I was staying present with what positive options my life has available at this point. I cannot be in Costa Rica right now, but I can buy pears instead of tater tots. One step at a time. One more frown turned upside down. LOL!

I Want FRUIT!

And by that, I mean, RIPE, ORGANIC, fruit. Sigh. It is soooo hard to get any decent fruit right now, except for the ubiquitous bananas, which I am sorry to say, I don't like much.

I have been getting conventional Texas watermelons for $8 apiece a lot lately. Unfortunately, less than half of them are properly ripe, despite my attempts to properly thump and scrutinize them.

Further personal updates... The irresponsible compost pile has been moved. We got a warning notice from the city that we had 4 days to get rid of it or get a citation. It took over 70 5-gallon buckets to move it! And, it was stinky and heavy. The groundhog is sad. I saw him run up to the spot where the pile used to be and look around in confusion, then run back to his burrow. We left him some apple cores at his front door, and they were gone the next morning.

We are finally moving this week. The house is completely ready, and we are on our way.

The community garden project is kicking off another season, and we are seeing a huge increase in participation. I am beginning to learn to delegate and to relinquish my control freak tendencies, with great results. I couldn't be more enthusiastic about how wonderful it is going.

And maybe it's just the sunshine, and birdsong, and warming temperatures, but I am feeling optimistic about almost everything.

I'm Back (I hope)

Don't want to jinx it, but this is Day 3 of all raw.

I've been eating lots of papaya, which is quite possibly my favorite fruit. We got some good citrus, too. And I tried some of my Fuyu persimmons that I got at a major bargain price--2 forty pound cases for $70. Not totally ripe yet, but still sweet and yummy.

I am experiencing some cleansing symptoms already, such as an intermittent headache, a rash/ hives that migrate around my body, and other mild irritations.

I feel a lot less dehydrated, bloated, and backed up, though. So that makes up for it. LOL!

Someone (Elchanan from Path of Health) suggested that every time I feel a craving, I should stop and try to explore what might have triggered it. This has helped somewhat. Sometimes, I realize that I feel upset about X, but I can't really solve X at this point. So it can be a little frustrating.

My husband and kids and I are taking a mini-trip for Thanksgiving to an indoor waterpark. We hope it will be a time to really bond as a family. I may end up in bed the whole time.

Fruit Fun

A lovely papaya tree: coming soon to my back yard? Not!

So, I'm still struggling and suffering. LOL. Thanks to all of you who have left supportive comments on my blog. I really do appreciate it.

However, I don't want to talk about that right now... I want to talk about something crazy that happened today. Today, I cut open a ripe papaya (a Maradol variety from Mexico) and the seeds inside were all sprouted. Some had little tails, but some had actual seed leaves on them. Whoa! I've never seen that before. By the way, there was nothing wrong with the papaya. It was quite good.

I also had a ripe Hachiya persimmon tonight. I liked it! My husband got it at Woodman's in Rockford when he went to buy our son's birthday present. We don't go to Rockford much.

Our local grocery store just got Fuyu persimmons in. I was very excited, since I have been reading about persimmons on Banana Island and on Harmony's blog. They didn't have the price posted yet, but I decided to take a risk and put 3 in my cart for us to try. I got to the checkout with my persimmons and the rest of my fruit. I was tired and starting to zone out as the cashier was ringing everything. I suddenly began paying attention when the persimmons rang up at $4.97. "Wait!" I said in alarm, "How much are those a pound?"

"Oh, we sell them by the each," said the cashier. "They're $1.50 each." To put this in perspective, let me tell you that these persimmons are the size of a plum. And they are $1.50 each! Needless to say, I only got one persimmon, not three. It is still ripening on the counter. I hope to be able to tell you soon whether it is as extravagant as its price.

Finally, my son's birthday was yesterday and we celebrated the occasion with a combination of his two favorite fruits, apples and dates. We made an apple-date pie with a date crust, shredded Fuji apples, date sauce (made with water and dates) and a tiny sprinkle of Chinese 5 spice powder. (Recipe courtesy of the Path of Health, Chinese 5 spice our variation...) We all enjoyed it! Now, if only I had a photo. Note to self: charge the camera batteries the day before all birthdays. LOL!