"I don't know why, but I feel like ice cream," said my husband this evening. "I can't be hungry. We just ate."
Depending on which raw food teacher you ask, the reason for my husband's sudden craving would be different. Most would fall into one of three camps. There is the "you haven't eaten enough" camp, the "junk food is addictive" camp, and the "emotional eating" camp.
When I ate exclusively lowfat raw vegan for four months, I underate the entire time. I thought it was really no problem, because I was overweight and overfat. According to traditional dieting advice, I was doing great calorie-wise. I ate an average of 1500 calories a day and was probably burning more like 2200. Mainstream diet sites and articles suggested that my suggested calorie range was 1200-1600, and as long as I didn't eat less than 1200, I was not undereating according to them. This fit my preferences--I was having financial difficulties and sometimes resorted to dumpster diving to get enough food. Also, I was finding it difficult to stretch my stomach to the increased volume of food I was eating. And of course, I wanted rapid weight loss results. I lost about 40 pounds in those four months, the first time I had ever successfully lost a significant amount of weight. I was so proud!
Then I got tremendous cravings. I began fantasizing about nachos, a former favorite food that had become repulsive to me in the preceding months. Now they were looking mighty good to me. I was struggling emotionally and socially, and trying to work through all of my "issues," but this was nothing new to me. If anything, I was feeling increasingly empowered and happy as I experienced increasing physical health and success in losing weight. I realized that most of the reason I was fantasizing about nachos was that I was just plain hungry and made plans to eat more.
But, before I had fully implemented my new eating plan, there was the fateful binge. After a party where everyone around me ate a lot of junk food that was "off limits" to me and an argument with a family member, I ate a whole lot of junk food and got really violently ill.
I felt horrible and defeated and out of control. It was like a switch had been turned inside. In the next four months, I would fast in the morning, eat fruit and salad during the afternoon and dinner meal, and then after everyone else was in bed, I would indulge in what Taco Bell likes to call the "fourthmeal." I gained 40 pounds in 4 months.
Was it hunger, the addictive power of salt, grain or casomorphein, or was it my lack of emotional poise?
I have read several success stories out who claim that sticking to a lowfat raw vegan diet brought them out of their mental and emotional funk, all they had to do was stay the course, and learn to eat enough fruit. There are a couple of teachers who continually beg raw foodists to eat until true satiation. They stress that overeating on fruit is "impossible" because when your body has had enough, the food will no longer taste good.
There are others who decry this as overeating. Humans need much less food than they think, these teachers argue, and most overeating is emotional. Some say that raw foodists should ease themselves through the emotions of transition by overeating, even overeating fat, in the beginning. Many of these teachers claim that they need less and less food as time goes on.
Then others use the language of addiction or other therapies. Some argue that a 12-step approach is best, while others suggest taking the time to develop the emotional and social skills needed to cope without turning to food to numb one's feelings.
After hearing all of the conflicting arguments, I have come to believe that none can stand alone as the "correct" answer.
I have watched the "eat more" group loudly cheerleading people who really need empathy and emotional support. I have watched the "eat less" group fall off the wagon repeatedly because they just haven't figured out that they're hungry. I have watched loads of people, including me, eat ourselves into oblivion, using fat, starch, and salt as a shield against feeling pain and panic.
We'd all like a quick fix, a magic bullet. We'd like life to be simple. There is no simple. We chose this path because we realized just "going with the flow" and eating what our culture says to eat has painful consequences. We want vibrant health and happiness. And that means we have to explore all aspects of our health. Listening to the teachers who have blazed the trail before us can be helpful on the journey. But it is no substitute for listening to ourselves.
So, next time you find yourself craving nachos or ice cream take time to really listen. Is it the food or the feelings?
Showing posts with label cravings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cravings. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Two-Week Detour
Two week detour, much like the famed "Two Hour Tour" gone awry, only without the Skipper and Marianne.
Seriously, though, maybe you've wondered where I've been. It hasn't been a happy place!
Two weeks ago, in response to feelings of frustration, anger, fear, and loneliness, I decided to eat some SAD "food." I knew that I would get sick, but I still chose to do it. However, I had a new awareness of my body's reactions to taking in these foods that I had not experienced before when I ate them fairly often.
Within an hour, I could feel my entire body rapidly dehydrating. My throat and mouth got very dry and then my lips. I could feel my hands and feet swell. I felt a comfortable numbness throughout my entire body for about the first hour--a heavy (but not unpleasant) sensation in my stomach, a slight fogginess in my thinking, drowsiness. Then, however, I got a knotted, painful sensation in my stomach. I heard gurgling noises. I also felt unsatisfied. I felt like I "needed" more SAD food. So I ate more. I went to bed feeling heavy. I slept fitfully, waking often to drink water and remembering strange dreams. My stomach hurt but not as much as I had worried it might.
However, the next morning, I threw up and had diarrhea forapproximately 6 hours. I was incapacitated for the whole day. Iimmediately had increased vaginal discharge (something I had since puberty but went away on 80-10-10). Also, I got a mild yeast infection for a day or two. Then next day, I craved more SAD foods. My stomach was still visibly bloated and gurgling. I later ate more SAD foods throughout the next two weeks. I noticed less symptoms--my body no longer produced diarrhea or vomiting--but I got severe heartburn, which felt like someone was literally kicking me in the esophagus. I gained about 10 pounds in one week, which I assume to be mostly water-weight and colon backup. My hands are slightly painful and swollen in the morning. My skin is oilier and I have some minor breakouts. My scalp is also oilier and a little flakey. My workouts were more difficult and I had less energy. My bowels were immediately irritated. I had gas and a bit of constipation.
The other annoying thing I noticed is that I never felt satisfied after eating the foods I "craved." It was never enough!
The interesting thing about experiencing these physical and mental symptoms was that they were all familiar. I had experienced these symptoms before with regularity before, but never paid much attention. Some of the "milder"symptoms I attributed to age or the natural course of things. The more severe symptoms I chalked up to a bug, such as the "flu." The dissatisfaction and cravings I had attributed to my weak willpower or "stress." Somehow, adding back all these symptoms made me appreciate more clearly how I had not been experiencing them at all in the past 3 months of 80-10-10.
So, self-love, where are you? I feel like I was doing great and then I just fell into a pit of despair and self-loathing. Now, I gotta claw my way back outta here.
Today was Day 1
10 a.m. 1 cup of heirloom cherry tomatoes (a gift from a friend)
11 a.m. 3 large Bartlett pears
Noon Smoothie with 7 med. bananas, 2 cups frozen raspberries
3:30 p.m. (Having baaaaaad cravings!) a large quantity of lettuce and 2 cups cherry tomatoes
7 p.m. About 2 mangoes and 2 C. tomatoes blended into a soup
Total: About 1700 cal. (I can afford to be a little low after a week of eating 3000 cal. a day)
Seriously, though, maybe you've wondered where I've been. It hasn't been a happy place!
Two weeks ago, in response to feelings of frustration, anger, fear, and loneliness, I decided to eat some SAD "food." I knew that I would get sick, but I still chose to do it. However, I had a new awareness of my body's reactions to taking in these foods that I had not experienced before when I ate them fairly often.
Within an hour, I could feel my entire body rapidly dehydrating. My throat and mouth got very dry and then my lips. I could feel my hands and feet swell. I felt a comfortable numbness throughout my entire body for about the first hour--a heavy (but not unpleasant) sensation in my stomach, a slight fogginess in my thinking, drowsiness. Then, however, I got a knotted, painful sensation in my stomach. I heard gurgling noises. I also felt unsatisfied. I felt like I "needed" more SAD food. So I ate more. I went to bed feeling heavy. I slept fitfully, waking often to drink water and remembering strange dreams. My stomach hurt but not as much as I had worried it might.
However, the next morning, I threw up and had diarrhea forapproximately 6 hours. I was incapacitated for the whole day. Iimmediately had increased vaginal discharge (something I had since puberty but went away on 80-10-10). Also, I got a mild yeast infection for a day or two. Then next day, I craved more SAD foods. My stomach was still visibly bloated and gurgling. I later ate more SAD foods throughout the next two weeks. I noticed less symptoms--my body no longer produced diarrhea or vomiting--but I got severe heartburn, which felt like someone was literally kicking me in the esophagus. I gained about 10 pounds in one week, which I assume to be mostly water-weight and colon backup. My hands are slightly painful and swollen in the morning. My skin is oilier and I have some minor breakouts. My scalp is also oilier and a little flakey. My workouts were more difficult and I had less energy. My bowels were immediately irritated. I had gas and a bit of constipation.
The other annoying thing I noticed is that I never felt satisfied after eating the foods I "craved." It was never enough!
The interesting thing about experiencing these physical and mental symptoms was that they were all familiar. I had experienced these symptoms before with regularity before, but never paid much attention. Some of the "milder"symptoms I attributed to age or the natural course of things. The more severe symptoms I chalked up to a bug, such as the "flu." The dissatisfaction and cravings I had attributed to my weak willpower or "stress." Somehow, adding back all these symptoms made me appreciate more clearly how I had not been experiencing them at all in the past 3 months of 80-10-10.
So, self-love, where are you? I feel like I was doing great and then I just fell into a pit of despair and self-loathing. Now, I gotta claw my way back outta here.
Today was Day 1
10 a.m. 1 cup of heirloom cherry tomatoes (a gift from a friend)
11 a.m. 3 large Bartlett pears
Noon Smoothie with 7 med. bananas, 2 cups frozen raspberries
3:30 p.m. (Having baaaaaad cravings!) a large quantity of lettuce and 2 cups cherry tomatoes
7 p.m. About 2 mangoes and 2 C. tomatoes blended into a soup
Total: About 1700 cal. (I can afford to be a little low after a week of eating 3000 cal. a day)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Improvements already!
Day three of getting those calories up there. Already I'm noticing significant improvements! The cravings are massively lessening. And, I ran a full lap around the track at a pretty good speed without feeling like I was going to die.
Too tired to post much more. It's been a super-busy week at work with the Open House and the Book Fair lasting late into the night on Wednesday. And packing the Book Fair (along with the rest of the job).
I also was at the Community Garden tonight. Lots of stuff going on there. There are amazing sweet potatoes to harvest and sell soon.
Today's food
7 a.m. 6 nanas and 1/4 large head iceberg
12 p.m. 7 nanas
6 p.m A huge salad of the rest of the head of iceberg, a mango, 2/3 of an avocado, a huge red heirloom tomato, and a yellow tomato
7 p.m. A few pods of okra while harvesting
1880 cal. C-F-P 84-10-6
A couple hundred calories short
Too tired to post much more. It's been a super-busy week at work with the Open House and the Book Fair lasting late into the night on Wednesday. And packing the Book Fair (along with the rest of the job).
I also was at the Community Garden tonight. Lots of stuff going on there. There are amazing sweet potatoes to harvest and sell soon.
Today's food
7 a.m. 6 nanas and 1/4 large head iceberg
12 p.m. 7 nanas
6 p.m A huge salad of the rest of the head of iceberg, a mango, 2/3 of an avocado, a huge red heirloom tomato, and a yellow tomato
7 p.m. A few pods of okra while harvesting
1880 cal. C-F-P 84-10-6
A couple hundred calories short
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Where've you been, Greenmama?
I am so happy to have a long weekend to relax and rejuvenate! I skipped the Farmer's Market today as my partner was out of town (that makes 4 out of the last 5!) and I just felt I needed the break.
My job is going better than I feared. I really enjoy the children and being surrounded by books. The rest of it sucks, but the first two things make it doable. My kids are enjoying school, although we've already had some difficulties there. They are a bit overtaxed by the long intense days and tend to be tired and irritable at certain times of the day (usually when we have to get ready to leave and time is of the essence). So, we're surviving.
We are again completely out of cash. We don't have enough money to buy food or gas to get us to work every day next week. Of course, we'll manage somehow. We always do. Next week will be my first full paycheck and it will also have some extra hours for the Book Fair, so that will be fine.
I am doing some Dynamic Self-Discovery one-on-one sessions with Elchanan and our first session focused on my ability to create resources. "I am ready, willing, and able to have and to spend whatever money my heart desires--now." I still feel like that is such a wonderful thing to say and I can't wait until it is true. I am ready, willing, and able... o.k., not "able" at this point because there is no cash. LOL! Another gem, "When you have more, you have more to give." That feels really wonderful. There are so many people and causes I would love to give more to. So, in order to give, I must be able to receive. I have to receive the abundance that is out there for me before I can share it. (Where is it, though?)
On the raw food front. I am still eating low fat raw vegan. I have been eating mostly local watermelon, with a few bananas, and tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, and squash from the garden. I have been a little lax on my greens, every third day or so. Yesterday I had a lot of green leaf and romaine. My community garden box has a lot of salad greens that are about 1 1/2 inches high, so I'm looking forward to eating those soon.
On the exercise front, I have been consistently getting 15-30 minutes of walk/jog in on my lunch break at work. It's nice to get the sunshine and the exercise helps me feel better. I need more exercise and want to build more muscle and core strength. But I feel so exhausted by the end of the day that I am just collapsing. About the most I can get myself to do in the evening is read a little bit of the new Harry Potter. Even if I do have any spare energy, I feel like I need to do things like dishes and laundry and packing lunches for the next day.
At the suggestion of the Path of Health group, I set up a free account at Nutridiary. I have always used SparkPeople and they have nice features, but Nutridiary is a lot more helpful because they add up the calories you burned and subtract the calories you ate and give you a total--how many calories are you over or under-eating. Wow, I am consistently undereating by quite a bit. I was ingrained in the dieter's myth that as long as I was eating more than 1200 calories, I would be fine. But my activity level burns significantly more than that. That could be why I have lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks and why I am experiencing a lot of food "cravings." The cravings are more like obsessive thoughts, rather than actually WANTING to eat foods. I can go into the cafeteria and buy the foods like French fries or nachos. I don't do it. I could. I don't even feel like I am stopping myself from doing it.
But yet, I find myself thinking about these foods and even remembering what they taste like. Sigh. Part of me wonders about the theory I've heard about cravings being triggered when you burn fat, because the fat was created by those foods and particles of them are released into your bloodstream. I used to think it was absurd, but now I wonder.
Anyway, I usually feel better if I just EAT. But I sometimes have to delay because of my schedule. And, we just don't have much food. Bananas are the solution, but I procrastinate eating them. I don't really like bananas much. I don't hate them. I just feel blah about bananas.
So, that's me, right now. Here I am. Greenmama, out.
My job is going better than I feared. I really enjoy the children and being surrounded by books. The rest of it sucks, but the first two things make it doable. My kids are enjoying school, although we've already had some difficulties there. They are a bit overtaxed by the long intense days and tend to be tired and irritable at certain times of the day (usually when we have to get ready to leave and time is of the essence). So, we're surviving.
We are again completely out of cash. We don't have enough money to buy food or gas to get us to work every day next week. Of course, we'll manage somehow. We always do. Next week will be my first full paycheck and it will also have some extra hours for the Book Fair, so that will be fine.
I am doing some Dynamic Self-Discovery one-on-one sessions with Elchanan and our first session focused on my ability to create resources. "I am ready, willing, and able to have and to spend whatever money my heart desires--now." I still feel like that is such a wonderful thing to say and I can't wait until it is true. I am ready, willing, and able... o.k., not "able" at this point because there is no cash. LOL! Another gem, "When you have more, you have more to give." That feels really wonderful. There are so many people and causes I would love to give more to. So, in order to give, I must be able to receive. I have to receive the abundance that is out there for me before I can share it. (Where is it, though?)
On the raw food front. I am still eating low fat raw vegan. I have been eating mostly local watermelon, with a few bananas, and tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, and squash from the garden. I have been a little lax on my greens, every third day or so. Yesterday I had a lot of green leaf and romaine. My community garden box has a lot of salad greens that are about 1 1/2 inches high, so I'm looking forward to eating those soon.
On the exercise front, I have been consistently getting 15-30 minutes of walk/jog in on my lunch break at work. It's nice to get the sunshine and the exercise helps me feel better. I need more exercise and want to build more muscle and core strength. But I feel so exhausted by the end of the day that I am just collapsing. About the most I can get myself to do in the evening is read a little bit of the new Harry Potter. Even if I do have any spare energy, I feel like I need to do things like dishes and laundry and packing lunches for the next day.
At the suggestion of the Path of Health group, I set up a free account at Nutridiary. I have always used SparkPeople and they have nice features, but Nutridiary is a lot more helpful because they add up the calories you burned and subtract the calories you ate and give you a total--how many calories are you over or under-eating. Wow, I am consistently undereating by quite a bit. I was ingrained in the dieter's myth that as long as I was eating more than 1200 calories, I would be fine. But my activity level burns significantly more than that. That could be why I have lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks and why I am experiencing a lot of food "cravings." The cravings are more like obsessive thoughts, rather than actually WANTING to eat foods. I can go into the cafeteria and buy the foods like French fries or nachos. I don't do it. I could. I don't even feel like I am stopping myself from doing it.
But yet, I find myself thinking about these foods and even remembering what they taste like. Sigh. Part of me wonders about the theory I've heard about cravings being triggered when you burn fat, because the fat was created by those foods and particles of them are released into your bloodstream. I used to think it was absurd, but now I wonder.
Anyway, I usually feel better if I just EAT. But I sometimes have to delay because of my schedule. And, we just don't have much food. Bananas are the solution, but I procrastinate eating them. I don't really like bananas much. I don't hate them. I just feel blah about bananas.
So, that's me, right now. Here I am. Greenmama, out.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Eating Locally, in fits and starts
Photo from Ozark Gardens I LOVE those cucumbers. One of the best things about this summer has been discovering what I love to grow and what I love to eat. The Poona Kheera cukes were grown by another farmer's market vendor, not me, but I'm definitely growing them next year. They are so sweet. I did, however, grow the Armenian snake cucumbers. They are very mild, but not so sweet, have very small seeds, and are very crisp. They have a very tender skin and since you don't have to peel them, they keep this cool shape, like the cogs of a wheel. They also sell like hotcakes! Luckily, the plants really produce.
Well, as you can see from my August expenses record, we are eating a LOT of nonlocal food. On August 1st, I felt pressured to eat 100% local (solely pressured by myself--just a typical bad habit I get into, an "all-or-nothing" mindset). I hadn't done much homework and had no local fruit to eat, so I ate 7 large ears of local raw corn that was too old and starchy. I spent the entire day of August 2nd violently ill and feeling dumb. I will remember that lesson.
After calling around and asking all of my market vendors, I have found that there are virtually NO local fruits available right now. Melons will not be ready for another week to 10 days. The second crop of raspberries are not ready yet. Peaches in this area were all killed by a late frost. Plums and pears are not quite ripe. There are some sour apples; we bought 25 today. Let's face it, we can't survive for even one week on sour apples, cucumbers, and tomatoes.
This does NOT excuse buying nuts, which is certainly not good for our insides or our budget! Today, I re-read that both "raw" cashew nuts and Brazil nuts are decidedly NOT raw. O.k., I admit it. I am soothing the savage beast of emotions run amok. I need more rest, need to overschedule myself less.
I had a WONDERFUL time working together with my whole family at the Farmer's Market today. I had a WONDERFUL time reading archives of Suvine's blog. I had a WONDERFUL time with my family watching Dr. Who (the 9th doctor?). They have all been into Dr. Who lately, from the 60's stuff and onward, but I have been resisting because I generally don't like science fiction. But I liked it. We have also been reading Bone together.
I am done with the nuts. I am breaking up with cashews. They are mean to me. LOL! I will eat local melons as soon as I can get them. I will keep eating all of my lovely garden produce. Okra pods are coming. Tomatoes of all kinds cover my countertop. I have too many beans to keep up with picking. We had some nice savoy cabbage leaves tonight, although I have gas now. I can't digest the cole crops really. But the savoy leaves work perfectly for wraps. In my defense, I tried to sell the savoy at market first.
We also got some DELICIOUS sweet corn, which I will eat in moderation. I will trust my tastebuds on the corn! I will eat enough sweet fruit to prevent cravings and fuel my body properly.
Today's Food (Local food has a star* by it)
Morning during Market: Nectarine, Mexican Midget tomatoes*, Armenian snake cucumber*, yellow cucumber*, 1/2 large ear of corn
Around noon: Various tomatoes*, 4 medium ears sweet corn*
Around 4 p.m.: Savoy cabbage leaves* with mashed avocado (only one between the 5 of us) and salsa (tomatoes*, onion*, sweet corn*, lime juice, cilantro)
Around 6:30 p.m.: Banana and raspberry ice cream
Around 8 p.m. Several handfuls of cashews and an ounce of Brazil nuts
If you are a committed 80-10-10-er, you probably are groaning because you know that if you ate like this, your stomach would hurt. Yes, I admit it, my stomach is hurting. Well, tomorrow is a new day!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Too tired to write another Saga
Yummy veggies in the Community GardenSorry everyone, the second installment of my Chicago saga will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm wiped out!
I had a full day of errands, dumpster diving (pineapples and cantaloupes--woohooooo!), harvesting in the Community Garden (the girls helped me pick beans and cut chard), and working in my own garden. Whew. And tomorrow promises to be more of the same.
I can't tell you how excited I am now that I have beans and tomatoes to pick. I am growing some wonderful unusual beans--Dragon Langerie and Yellow French Filet are the two that I've started picking so far. Others will be ready later.
Today's Raw Food
10:30 a.m. Smoothie with 6 bananas
2:30 p.m. 2 cups pineapple, 2 cups grapes
3:30-5 p.m. Snacking while harvesting--some beans, some shell peas and sugar snaps, a few tomatoes
6:30 A salad with romaine lettuce, fresh cucumber and yellow zucchini from my garden, and a dressing made from blended red pepper, grape tomatoes, celery, and sunflower seeds (I didn't really like it)
10 p.m. A medium cantaloupe
1470 calories, C-P-F 81-7-11
I am getting in a bad habit of not eating enough fruit calories (for my activity level) early in the day, and then feeling hunger right before bed. Normally, I will just go to bed hungry. But tonight, when I had fleeting thoughts of Oreos and potpies, I decided to just eat, darn it. I never even liked Oreos. LOL!
30 minutes low-impact aerobics
30 minutes upper body strength training
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Lucky!
Photo Courtesy of www.agrohaitai.com
Where have I been? Well, I've been job training, gardening, mushroom hunting (no luck), playing with my friends, attending my daughter's preschool graduation, selling at the Farmer's Market (I made $8) and of course, loving my kids, dumpster diving, cleaning my house, and other routine stuff. I planted some really cool stuff--unusual heirloom tomatoes and red okra, among other things.
I have to report that we finally had some good luck this weekend! We got a washing machine off of Freecycle. Ours broke a month ago and it was going to cost more to repair it than it would for a new one. We couldn't afford either. But thanks to a wonderful Freecycler, we're back in the laundry business.
And, even more lucky, I got a free toilet. The same week that our washer broke, our upstairs toilet tank cracked at 3 a.m., scaring the heck out of us and spilling gallons of water on the floor. We hadn't replaced it, again, because of funds. I was driving along and saw a toilet on the side of the road with a cardboard sign that said,
"FREE. WORKS GOOD. REMODELED."
I assume they meant they replaced this toilet because they remodeled, not that the toilet was remodeled. How would you remodel a toilet? :)
I have been firmly following my raw fruit and greens regime. I have rid the house of temptations like nuts and raisins and tahini, so it is easier to stick to. I have had cravings for bean burritoes lately. I really need to up the calories a bit because of my active life, but there's not much great fruit right now and not much money... Can't wait to start eating more out of the garden. I can harvest my Four Seasons lettuce this week!
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