When I went raw, I was shocked at how sharp my sense of smell and taste became. I was also pleasantly surprised to find that many symptoms I took for granted disappeared. I hadn't noticed them because they were so much a part of my life... That achy, lethargic, groggy feeling I woke up with every morning? Turns out it's a "food hangover", not just a result of turning thirty, or bad genes, or "not being a morning person."
So, imagine my dismay, when I began eating poorly again, at having all of my gains disappear and all of my symptoms return. Actually, they seemed worse. Are they worse? No, I am not being "punished." It's just a matter of noticing these things more now that I know what it's like to feel better.
In a way, this increased self-awareness has been the one thing that my detour to SAD land can't erase. And I am grateful for that. Grudgingly grateful.
I know my detour has been temporary, because now I've seen the promised land and want to go back.
Showing posts with label symptoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label symptoms. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, November 3, 2007
30 years of problems take more than 3 minutes to fix
"Am I in heaven here or am I in hell? At the crossroads I am standing."
Sarah McLachlan
One conversation that I see repeated numerous times on raw forums is when newbies state that they have been raw for a number of weeks or months and they have not seen their symptoms disappear completely or their energy soar. Invariably, the wise sages appear and assure them that a lifetime of damage cannot be repaired in such a short time. So, be patient, stay the course, have faith, they are counseled. Some do, some fall by the wayside. Such is life.
I am trying to apply this lesson to my emotional struggles. Be patient, stay the course, have faith. Will I survive? Or will I be left laying on said wayside, a casualty of my own special collection of trauma and weakness?
Today, I was feeling under the weather and contacted a person I was scheduled to meet to beg off. She expressed concern that my illness was caused by my raw vegan lifestyle. Actually, her words were, "I wish you would consider eating more."
This is the umpteenth time this person has expressed her concern that I am going to kill myself or my children with my crazy diet.
I could not contain a derisive laugh. Hasn't she noticed that I have gained 20 pounds in the last 6 weeks, I asked her? I have been eating lots of foods on her approved list, huge amounts of calories.
"Brown rice?" she pressed. Yes, my problems are definitely caused by a brown rice deficiency.
She is just doing her best, I reminded myself. Feeling a disgusting combination of guilt and fear, I went on to explain to her, honestly, that I was going through a lot of emotional difficulties and that I felt uncomfortable being subjected to her judgements. I played the "miscarriage" card (I had a miscarriage last year at this time), which was possibly a bit dishonest, since it isn't at the top of the list of what is really bothering me, but I felt I had to say something.
She apologized profusely, for not being aware that she was letting her judgement show through. In other words, she doesn't think she's wrong, she just thinks its wrong to make another person uncomfortable by sharing her correct opinion. Sigh. I feel frustrated by my inadequacy at standing on my own.
I want this to be true:
"All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love."
Sarah McLachlan
Sarah McLachlan
One conversation that I see repeated numerous times on raw forums is when newbies state that they have been raw for a number of weeks or months and they have not seen their symptoms disappear completely or their energy soar. Invariably, the wise sages appear and assure them that a lifetime of damage cannot be repaired in such a short time. So, be patient, stay the course, have faith, they are counseled. Some do, some fall by the wayside. Such is life.
I am trying to apply this lesson to my emotional struggles. Be patient, stay the course, have faith. Will I survive? Or will I be left laying on said wayside, a casualty of my own special collection of trauma and weakness?
Today, I was feeling under the weather and contacted a person I was scheduled to meet to beg off. She expressed concern that my illness was caused by my raw vegan lifestyle. Actually, her words were, "I wish you would consider eating more."
This is the umpteenth time this person has expressed her concern that I am going to kill myself or my children with my crazy diet.
I could not contain a derisive laugh. Hasn't she noticed that I have gained 20 pounds in the last 6 weeks, I asked her? I have been eating lots of foods on her approved list, huge amounts of calories.
"Brown rice?" she pressed. Yes, my problems are definitely caused by a brown rice deficiency.
She is just doing her best, I reminded myself. Feeling a disgusting combination of guilt and fear, I went on to explain to her, honestly, that I was going through a lot of emotional difficulties and that I felt uncomfortable being subjected to her judgements. I played the "miscarriage" card (I had a miscarriage last year at this time), which was possibly a bit dishonest, since it isn't at the top of the list of what is really bothering me, but I felt I had to say something.
She apologized profusely, for not being aware that she was letting her judgement show through. In other words, she doesn't think she's wrong, she just thinks its wrong to make another person uncomfortable by sharing her correct opinion. Sigh. I feel frustrated by my inadequacy at standing on my own.
I want this to be true:
"All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love."
Sarah McLachlan
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Struggling
I have been working on a lot of personal issues and it is hard work, let me tell you!
I have been binge-ing on junk food fairly frequently and feeling generally bad about myself, which is why I haven't been posting here. But I feel like I am ready to stop feeling horrible and start feeling good again. It is AWEFUL to know what it's like to feel good, and yet to continue to make yourself feel bad. Sigh.
To add insult to injury, I have had an itchy rash all over my face and sores in the corner of my mouth for the past 4 days. Enough! Really...
There are exciting developments in other areas of my life, however. My husband has joined Path of Health and has been eating 80-10-10 raw for almost a week now. We are reading the Nonviolent Communication book Language of Compassion. We are working on our homeschooling vision as well.
And, I have been offered a job opportunity to work with my farmer friend Phil next summer. Will I do it? The successful class I had with young children in the community garden seems to be leading me to make some changes in that project as well.
Stay tuned.
I have been binge-ing on junk food fairly frequently and feeling generally bad about myself, which is why I haven't been posting here. But I feel like I am ready to stop feeling horrible and start feeling good again. It is AWEFUL to know what it's like to feel good, and yet to continue to make yourself feel bad. Sigh.
To add insult to injury, I have had an itchy rash all over my face and sores in the corner of my mouth for the past 4 days. Enough! Really...
There are exciting developments in other areas of my life, however. My husband has joined Path of Health and has been eating 80-10-10 raw for almost a week now. We are reading the Nonviolent Communication book Language of Compassion. We are working on our homeschooling vision as well.
And, I have been offered a job opportunity to work with my farmer friend Phil next summer. Will I do it? The successful class I had with young children in the community garden seems to be leading me to make some changes in that project as well.
Stay tuned.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Two-Week Detour
Two week detour, much like the famed "Two Hour Tour" gone awry, only without the Skipper and Marianne.
Seriously, though, maybe you've wondered where I've been. It hasn't been a happy place!
Two weeks ago, in response to feelings of frustration, anger, fear, and loneliness, I decided to eat some SAD "food." I knew that I would get sick, but I still chose to do it. However, I had a new awareness of my body's reactions to taking in these foods that I had not experienced before when I ate them fairly often.
Within an hour, I could feel my entire body rapidly dehydrating. My throat and mouth got very dry and then my lips. I could feel my hands and feet swell. I felt a comfortable numbness throughout my entire body for about the first hour--a heavy (but not unpleasant) sensation in my stomach, a slight fogginess in my thinking, drowsiness. Then, however, I got a knotted, painful sensation in my stomach. I heard gurgling noises. I also felt unsatisfied. I felt like I "needed" more SAD food. So I ate more. I went to bed feeling heavy. I slept fitfully, waking often to drink water and remembering strange dreams. My stomach hurt but not as much as I had worried it might.
However, the next morning, I threw up and had diarrhea forapproximately 6 hours. I was incapacitated for the whole day. Iimmediately had increased vaginal discharge (something I had since puberty but went away on 80-10-10). Also, I got a mild yeast infection for a day or two. Then next day, I craved more SAD foods. My stomach was still visibly bloated and gurgling. I later ate more SAD foods throughout the next two weeks. I noticed less symptoms--my body no longer produced diarrhea or vomiting--but I got severe heartburn, which felt like someone was literally kicking me in the esophagus. I gained about 10 pounds in one week, which I assume to be mostly water-weight and colon backup. My hands are slightly painful and swollen in the morning. My skin is oilier and I have some minor breakouts. My scalp is also oilier and a little flakey. My workouts were more difficult and I had less energy. My bowels were immediately irritated. I had gas and a bit of constipation.
The other annoying thing I noticed is that I never felt satisfied after eating the foods I "craved." It was never enough!
The interesting thing about experiencing these physical and mental symptoms was that they were all familiar. I had experienced these symptoms before with regularity before, but never paid much attention. Some of the "milder"symptoms I attributed to age or the natural course of things. The more severe symptoms I chalked up to a bug, such as the "flu." The dissatisfaction and cravings I had attributed to my weak willpower or "stress." Somehow, adding back all these symptoms made me appreciate more clearly how I had not been experiencing them at all in the past 3 months of 80-10-10.
So, self-love, where are you? I feel like I was doing great and then I just fell into a pit of despair and self-loathing. Now, I gotta claw my way back outta here.
Today was Day 1
10 a.m. 1 cup of heirloom cherry tomatoes (a gift from a friend)
11 a.m. 3 large Bartlett pears
Noon Smoothie with 7 med. bananas, 2 cups frozen raspberries
3:30 p.m. (Having baaaaaad cravings!) a large quantity of lettuce and 2 cups cherry tomatoes
7 p.m. About 2 mangoes and 2 C. tomatoes blended into a soup
Total: About 1700 cal. (I can afford to be a little low after a week of eating 3000 cal. a day)
Seriously, though, maybe you've wondered where I've been. It hasn't been a happy place!
Two weeks ago, in response to feelings of frustration, anger, fear, and loneliness, I decided to eat some SAD "food." I knew that I would get sick, but I still chose to do it. However, I had a new awareness of my body's reactions to taking in these foods that I had not experienced before when I ate them fairly often.
Within an hour, I could feel my entire body rapidly dehydrating. My throat and mouth got very dry and then my lips. I could feel my hands and feet swell. I felt a comfortable numbness throughout my entire body for about the first hour--a heavy (but not unpleasant) sensation in my stomach, a slight fogginess in my thinking, drowsiness. Then, however, I got a knotted, painful sensation in my stomach. I heard gurgling noises. I also felt unsatisfied. I felt like I "needed" more SAD food. So I ate more. I went to bed feeling heavy. I slept fitfully, waking often to drink water and remembering strange dreams. My stomach hurt but not as much as I had worried it might.
However, the next morning, I threw up and had diarrhea forapproximately 6 hours. I was incapacitated for the whole day. Iimmediately had increased vaginal discharge (something I had since puberty but went away on 80-10-10). Also, I got a mild yeast infection for a day or two. Then next day, I craved more SAD foods. My stomach was still visibly bloated and gurgling. I later ate more SAD foods throughout the next two weeks. I noticed less symptoms--my body no longer produced diarrhea or vomiting--but I got severe heartburn, which felt like someone was literally kicking me in the esophagus. I gained about 10 pounds in one week, which I assume to be mostly water-weight and colon backup. My hands are slightly painful and swollen in the morning. My skin is oilier and I have some minor breakouts. My scalp is also oilier and a little flakey. My workouts were more difficult and I had less energy. My bowels were immediately irritated. I had gas and a bit of constipation.
The other annoying thing I noticed is that I never felt satisfied after eating the foods I "craved." It was never enough!
The interesting thing about experiencing these physical and mental symptoms was that they were all familiar. I had experienced these symptoms before with regularity before, but never paid much attention. Some of the "milder"symptoms I attributed to age or the natural course of things. The more severe symptoms I chalked up to a bug, such as the "flu." The dissatisfaction and cravings I had attributed to my weak willpower or "stress." Somehow, adding back all these symptoms made me appreciate more clearly how I had not been experiencing them at all in the past 3 months of 80-10-10.
So, self-love, where are you? I feel like I was doing great and then I just fell into a pit of despair and self-loathing. Now, I gotta claw my way back outta here.
Today was Day 1
10 a.m. 1 cup of heirloom cherry tomatoes (a gift from a friend)
11 a.m. 3 large Bartlett pears
Noon Smoothie with 7 med. bananas, 2 cups frozen raspberries
3:30 p.m. (Having baaaaaad cravings!) a large quantity of lettuce and 2 cups cherry tomatoes
7 p.m. About 2 mangoes and 2 C. tomatoes blended into a soup
Total: About 1700 cal. (I can afford to be a little low after a week of eating 3000 cal. a day)
Monday, September 17, 2007
Germ Theory
One of the more controversial tenets of Natural Hygiene is the belief that germs do not cause illness.
The argument is the following... All disease is caused by toxemia. Toxemia is caused by toxins building up in the body. Toxin buildup results from consuming foods inappropriate for our species (meat, milk, grain, cooked food...) or from other practices that thwart the body's ability to cleanse metabolic toxins. So basically, if you are emotionally unhealthy, if you don't exercise, if you don't get the rest and sunshine you need, toxins can build up.
Your body then produces a response to remove the toxins. Throwing up, sneezing, runny nose, for example, are all ways for the body to rid itself of toxic matter. Symptoms are the healing itself. Symptoms also alert your conscious mind to perform actions that assist healing, such as fasting or resting.
What about those bacteria that we can see on a microscope? Well, according to NH, the germs are opportunistic organisms that actually are assisting in the healing process. Bacteria are consuming toxins or performing other functions, not attacking us and causing illness.
Without delving deeply into all of the convincing evidence that NH teachers use to support their theory, let me just state that I generally am convinced.
But I am challenged by a couple of unanswered questions:
1) Why do I have the same cold symptoms that my kids had a couple of days ago, and that some of their daycare compatriots had last week? The usual argument would be that we have similar poor habits that build up toxins and so our bodies simply are cleansing simultaneously.
But I'm the only committed raw fooder in the bunch. Why should I have similar symtoms as my kids who ate tons of sugary baked goods this Saturday and a bunch of meat and milk consuming daycare kids?
2) What about stuff like rabies?
So a long drawn-out way to say... Waaah, my nose is running. LOL!
The argument is the following... All disease is caused by toxemia. Toxemia is caused by toxins building up in the body. Toxin buildup results from consuming foods inappropriate for our species (meat, milk, grain, cooked food...) or from other practices that thwart the body's ability to cleanse metabolic toxins. So basically, if you are emotionally unhealthy, if you don't exercise, if you don't get the rest and sunshine you need, toxins can build up.
Your body then produces a response to remove the toxins. Throwing up, sneezing, runny nose, for example, are all ways for the body to rid itself of toxic matter. Symptoms are the healing itself. Symptoms also alert your conscious mind to perform actions that assist healing, such as fasting or resting.
What about those bacteria that we can see on a microscope? Well, according to NH, the germs are opportunistic organisms that actually are assisting in the healing process. Bacteria are consuming toxins or performing other functions, not attacking us and causing illness.
Without delving deeply into all of the convincing evidence that NH teachers use to support their theory, let me just state that I generally am convinced.
But I am challenged by a couple of unanswered questions:
1) Why do I have the same cold symptoms that my kids had a couple of days ago, and that some of their daycare compatriots had last week? The usual argument would be that we have similar poor habits that build up toxins and so our bodies simply are cleansing simultaneously.
But I'm the only committed raw fooder in the bunch. Why should I have similar symtoms as my kids who ate tons of sugary baked goods this Saturday and a bunch of meat and milk consuming daycare kids?
2) What about stuff like rabies?
So a long drawn-out way to say... Waaah, my nose is running. LOL!
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