Celebrating the New Year of the New Me!

I am ready for big things in 2010 and have started out the New Year living my intentions.

January 1st, I fasted on water with the lovely folks at the Naked Food Cafe. I have been enjoying lovely fruits and greens since then. I even served tater tots, a long-time cheat food, to my family today without popping a single one in my mouth. And I didn't feel disappointed at all. They actually kinda stink.

I got a cheapy little electric orange juicer yesterday and we made our first yummy OJ today. My 10 year-old set it up for me and read the directions, and he and the girls did a lot of the juicing while I made the rest of the dinner. Fun and delicious! It was easy to go through 8 lbs. of oranges in one meal, however, which brought up some of my fears about money and the price of feeding my family quality food. Deep breath. Letting it go for right now.

After only 3 days without salt and other junk, I am already feeling a lot less achey and bloated than I usually do. I had fun rebounding vigorously for 30 minutes, as I recovered from my respiratory illness much more easily. However, I have had a little bit of trouble with the timing and quantity of my food, so I am undereating and a bit hungry. Not to worry. I have ripe bananas and frozen raspberries, so I will have a nice big meal for breakfast and get back on track. I also have lots of Barhi dates. Mmmm.

After some research, including this article by Don Bennett, I decided that our family are all going to take a Vitamin D supplement. I am not thrilled about this, but have decided that it is the best we can do for our health in our current location. I have been dreaming a lot about our future tropical paradise where I will grow fruit trees and bask in the glorious rays of the sun year-round. (Hear that, universe?)

I am so happy to have my family and friends, especially the lovely online raw community I have found through this blog, and to celebrate the reawakening of my hope and joy in this lovely New Year.

Connie, a fan letter

I have just finished catching up on the last year in the life of Connie, author of several awesome blogs including Naked Food Cafe, and founder and leader of the forum of the same name.

I have been a fan of Connie since way back, when she had blogs that may not even exist in cyberspace anymore... I remember the old Naked Food Cafe with high-fat raw recipes. I remember her blog after that with the blue background with psyfi graphics, although the name escapes me. I remember Banana Island and how upbeat and positive it was, with beautiful pictures and yummy recipes. I loved Connie's writing style; her intelligence, wit, curiousity and magical imagination. I never, ever was bored when I read her entries, and I often felt thoughtful, inspired, and uplifted for hours afterwards. And then of course, there was Connie's kindness, her openness and tolerance, and her interest in others. She always took the time to answer comments, and to read and comment on the blogs of others, including mine. When I moved, Connie sent me a simple hand-made housewarming gift, a gesture which I still treasure.

I always wondered, though, if a person could be "real" in a blog. Certainly in my own blog, I felt that there were times when I was only portraying a part of my feelings, or a fragment of my experience. When Connie abruptly posted that she was leaving Banana Island to follow the McDougall Diet in the interest of family harmony, I felt confused. Huh? What did I miss?

Imagine my delight to catch up Connies most recent blog entries and see a whole person revealed. When Connie shared her moments of fear walking in the park after a young girl in her town was killed, or her moments of shame when she found herself in a fast food drive-thru, in spite of her best intentions, her moments of frustration as she wrestled with her compulsion to battle with the number on the scale, and her triumph when she kicked that scale to the curb, suddenly I realized... Connie is showing me the way. It is safe and ok to live my life out loud in front of others.

In the last year, I have been to the abyss. When my husband and I broke up, I believed I didn't have a single friend to turn to... No one to give me a big hug and listen to me pour my heart out for hours. But the truth was, I probably could have reached out to a number of people. I could have blogged and gotten support and encouragement from those far away. I did not, because I was ashamed. I was ashamed to tell the truth about my feelings. I was afraid to appear vulnerable. I was ashamed to be honest about behavior that I regretted. Paradoxically, obeying my fears created the things I was most afraid of... loneliness, despair, loss. The more Connie shares about her struggles and her regrets, the more she seems to grow in confidence and radiance. Opening ourselves to truly experience our fears and sadness also opens ourselves to truly experience joy and true friendship.

So, a shout-out to Connie, for inspiring me yet again. I will now confess that I have a secret fantasy that I will show up on Connie's doorstep this winter to get a hug and a smoothie. Just not a grapefruit one, 'k? LOL! Love you!