Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Tired (and tired of being negative)

The title says it all.

Literally, at times this week, I have only not eaten cooked foods because I know I will get violently ill. Several items that have been occupying my mind... Taco Bell bean burritoes, vegetarian super-nachos, and waffle fries. When I think of them, I simultaneously feel desire and nausea. The thought of eating them literally makes me want to vomit.

But then at other times, I feel better.

Actually, I don't think there's much I could say at this point that would be interesting or useful to anyone. But I want to record how I feel for the future. So when everything is all wonderful and I am the person I always was meant to be, I can look back and see the depths from which I rose.

Geez, even that sounds bad.

Ok, two things I am grateful for... Patton Oswalt (warning explicit language, but GOOD GOD, this guy is funny) and Tomato-Peach Soup (recipe in Dr. Graham's 80-10-10 Diet).

Good night all and thank you for being here for me.

3 comments:

EJ said...

Marjorie,

Thank you for being so candid and bare about your feelings - the whole lot of them. Our parental hopes and expectations can provoke such a range of emotions especially when they seem threatened by other demands or circumstances.

Our own experience this past year - when we were prompted to remove our son from an alternative kindergarten and place him in public school - freed us from our rigid attachment to a philosophy and opened us up to a world of greater acceptance and genuine community. Our giant life hic-up has also led us to a charter school that is tuition free, nestled against a mountain, outfitted with organic gardening/ composting space and staffed with progressive, dedicated parent teachers. Go figure.

I wish you deep rest and restored exuberance as you wait out the anxiety and Taco Bell cravings.

Kind regards,
Elizabeth

Connie said...

Dear Marjorie,
A little more sleep, some laughter, and things will begin to look up. No one can maintain a positive outlook all the time, especially someone with three little ones. It often seems that we carry the weight of the whole world on our shoulders as we try to deliver them to adulthood intact. LoL! Just know that you will look back at this time when your children are young as one of the best times of your life.

Recently, I came across an old journal that read alot like your post. I knew exactly what direction I wanted my family to move in, homeschooling, vegetarianism, quitting my job, etc., but it seemed impossible. I turned the page, and within a very short time, all those things had been accomplished in most unexpected ways.

Hang in there. Your goals are worthy ones, you will find a way to accomplish them.

Much Love!
Connie

Greenmama said...

Thanks so much, Elizabeth and Connie.

Marjorie