Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I have been enjoying all the things that I have begun creating in my life... a closer relationship with my husband and children. Friendships. Improved health and fitness.
I am spending much time working through and healing past trauma. I am spending much time dreaming and planning the beautiful, bountiful garden that I will be growing this year.
I grow happier and happier! I am so practiced giving words to painful emotions that at times, I feel like I have nothing to blog about when I am happy. But as I grow, I am sure I will find a way to express myself more clearly.
So I will spend some time telling you about the mundane in my life...
My sweet little Qian hangs out with me every day, like a little shadow watching me as I go about my housework. He is a curious little being, with a strong sense of himself. He likes to climb, but this week, he has finally figured out how to go down the stairs as well as up. If I open the dishwasher when he is nearby, he rushes over and grabs the biggest knife (why not the wooden spoons?). Having older children and a baby can sometimes be a challenge. He wants all of their toys. I keep finding the girls' beads in his poop. :( But he is never shy about getting into their games. The other day they were wrestling on a mat on the floor, and he dived right in the middle, laughing.
I have been spending some time each week with my sister-in-law. She is a cool chick. I've meant to befriend her for many years but never found the time or courage. Now, we get together once a week. Our goal is to do some kind of craft project, but so far, we just hang out and talk. They have a lovely brown lab mix, a sweet, somewhat hyper young dog named Abbie. She puts her nose right up to Qian's nose, but he does not get scared or back down. He looks right back at her with the same curiousity that she has for him.
My husband is still doing raw... mostly citrus juice with a salad in the evening. He has occasionally cheated, but seems to be in a really good place about the whole process right now.
I am on the cusp of finally finishing this years-long transition, I believe. I finally realized it is not about "discipline" or force in any form. It is about joyful embrace! I need to ALLOW happiness. It is my birthright, no matter what I was taught as a child. I can let old beliefs that no longer serve me fall away, and embrace my full power.