Sunday, January 17, 2010

Old tapes

Some of you may remember which teacher it was who used to tell us that the "old tapes" running through our heads sometimes led to getting stuck in behaviors we want to change. I know some of you reading this aren't old enough to remember cassette tapes. LOL! But I find it a useful and accurate metaphor for what I experience at times.

Despite my incredible progress in so many areas, a lot of my old tapes are still running. After a strong start to the new year, I have slid back to the point where I found myself eating all kinds of crap yesterday, including dairy.

The new tape says, one meal at a time, start now. But the old tape says, you are a failure and you always will be. The new tape says, look at how far you've come and all you've improved. The old tape says, it's been years and you are still rehashing the same old crap.

When I feel like this, I have repetitive dreams where I have an important task to complete. Usually, in the dream, I have a class to teach or an appointment to keep. I find myself in a large building where I am wandering about, unable to find the room that I am supposed to be in. In another version of the dream, I don't have the proper materials or I can't find my glasses and am totally blind. The dream goes on and on, while I try and try to complete my task, with no success. Sometimes this dream is combined with a dream I have when I am stuffy and mouth-breathing. In this dream I have a large wad of gum stuck to my back teeth. I try to remove it, but I can only get bits and pieces. I pull piece after piece of sticky gum out, but still a large wad remains. I wake up feeling anxious, unrested and very thirsty.

Ok, my lovely friends, now is your cue to send me lots of love and encouragement. Thanks!

4 comments:

AIMEELOVESYOU said...

I got your reply to my reply. :D)

Yesterday I had a good time picking out soft-shmushy ones from the 5lb box. It seems like I have a mix of soft & very form ones. Today I put about 20 dry ones in a glass jar with water to soak, I will blend them tomorrow and make a celery-date-water drink in the high speed blender. It will be like a date mylk. -I can't wait! Xx...

Lady C said...

I'm sending you love and encouragement! The same type of thing happens to me, so you're not alone.

Connie said...

Hold on Marjorie, I am straightening the cave, moving some rocks around and preparing a fire circle so we can all crowd into the Sape Shifters Lair and talk about exactly this kind of stuff. Like I said before, it is not about the food. So what the hell is it about???!!! Let's all put our heads together and find out! Hopefully we will be up and running in the morning.

Oh, in my dream I am always a student and it is test day and I realize I have not read a single thing all semester or have any idea what the course, much less th etest, is about. I am tempted to just ditch the class but somehow feel I must show up. Then I can't find the classroom and I am in a panic trying to find the proper place to fail my test! lol! Yes, it seems to go on forever and I am exhausted and discouraged in the morning ABOUT A DREAM!!! And the mouth breathing thing, yep! When I have a cold I think I am dying, literally. Never had the gum visuals but truly believe I am about to die and get into a terrible panic attack situation.

We are so damn weird, no wonder we found each other! hahahaha! Let's get ourselves together, OK?

I love you!
Connie

Greenmama said...

Hi Aimee,

Thanks for the update. Did you like the date mylk? I think I'll try that one!

Thanks so much for the encouragement, Lady C and Connie.

Marjorie