Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm baaaack!

I admit it, I've been a chicken... Since my last post a year and a half ago, I have spent most of my time struggling with myself and hiding from everyone.

So many changes, it would take a book-length post to update you all on them. But here's the highlight reel. I tried to force myself and everyone in my family in a journey of radical self-development, some of which was documented on this very blog. I ran smack-dab into my deep emotional wounds and lack of interpersonal skills. Homeschooling crashed and burned. My family life crashed and burned. I broke up with my husband Jason (meanwhile, unbeknownst to us, we had conceived our lovely baby boy Qian, pictured above). Our children moved with Jason to the small town where he teaches and went back to public school. I began working 50 hours a week at two new jobs, and spent the weekends with the children.

We planned to divorce and give the baby up for adoption, but by the third trimester we could not bear to do either, and chose to reunite and welcome our baby to our family. Meanwhile, Jason had a very serious health crisis which left him insulin-dependent and suffering from severe neuropathy. He has only partially recovered. I have moved back with him and am down to one job, about 10 hours per month. I am just enjoying my family immensely. But the struggles and compulsions that I have wrestled with my entire life are still present daily. I want to engage them with curiousity and compassion, rather than an endless cycle of self-violence.

I have been exploring my emotional health in new ways, and am finally ready to rejoin the world. I missed my community here, and hope to reunite with you all.

6 comments:

Sarah said...

I'm virtually speechless! I've missed you so much over the last year and a half. It's been a crazy year for my family, but I've not been through near as much as you have. I'm so glad you are back and I wish you happiness, peace, and harmony as your journey continues. Much love!

Hugs and Mangoes,
Sarah

Connie said...

I see Sarah beat me here with the first comment! lol! I couldn't wait to let her know you were back. I hate that you have had to go through so much, but sometimes the hardest times lead to the best. Here's hoping 2010 is your best year ever!

Love & Sunshine!
Connie

Connie said...

PS your new little chick is adorable! =D

Anonymous said...

Marjorie, I knew you from PoH a couple yrs. ago. I wondered where you'd gone! I'm sorry you've had a rough time and I hope things are looking up soon--it sounds like they are. :-) Love, Laurie

Jgunn said...

Hey Greenmama its nice to see you back ! I'll echo whats already been said , its a bummer you had to go thru these trials and tribulations but im sure you learned some fantastic things thru it all. Lovely little chick you have there :) looking foraward to hearing more from you :)

Isabella said...

You all are awesome! So nice to hear from all of you.

Marjorie