I'm baaaack!

I admit it, I've been a chicken... Since my last post a year and a half ago, I have spent most of my time struggling with myself and hiding from everyone.

So many changes, it would take a book-length post to update you all on them. But here's the highlight reel. I tried to force myself and everyone in my family in a journey of radical self-development, some of which was documented on this very blog. I ran smack-dab into my deep emotional wounds and lack of interpersonal skills. Homeschooling crashed and burned. My family life crashed and burned. I broke up with my husband Jason (meanwhile, unbeknownst to us, we had conceived our lovely baby boy Qian, pictured above). Our children moved with Jason to the small town where he teaches and went back to public school. I began working 50 hours a week at two new jobs, and spent the weekends with the children.

We planned to divorce and give the baby up for adoption, but by the third trimester we could not bear to do either, and chose to reunite and welcome our baby to our family. Meanwhile, Jason had a very serious health crisis which left him insulin-dependent and suffering from severe neuropathy. He has only partially recovered. I have moved back with him and am down to one job, about 10 hours per month. I am just enjoying my family immensely. But the struggles and compulsions that I have wrestled with my entire life are still present daily. I want to engage them with curiousity and compassion, rather than an endless cycle of self-violence.

I have been exploring my emotional health in new ways, and am finally ready to rejoin the world. I missed my community here, and hope to reunite with you all.

Work in Progress

Health Update

On April 27th, 2007, I went raw and haven't looked back. My journey has taken me places I never imagined. I am learning to experience my emotions without food. I am following my dreams, sometimes to challenging places. I am recycling weight and transforming my body.

April 28th, 2007 135.4 lbs., 34% body fat
July 12th, 2007 116.8 lbs., 24.4% body fat

Other health changes

My constipation and irritable bowel issues are gone. I notice digestive discomfort in response to eating improper food combinations or eating dehydrated foods, onions, or herbs. Before, these symptoms were so common for me that I ignored them.

I am not bloated or achey in the mornings any more. My weight doesn't fluctuate 5 or 6 pounds from morning to night. Both of these are related to the elimination of salt from my diet.

I have more energy and stamina when I am exercising. I don't feel out of breath or lethargic.

I tan more easily, although I still have to be very careful, especially with areas of my body that haven't seen much sun in my life.

My skin is clearer and my scalp is less flakey. However, if I eat a lot of fat, such as avocados, for a few days in a row, I notice minor breakouts or dandruff. I no longer use soap or shampoo or personal products of any kind. I don't stink, unless I eat onions.

I no longer use toothpaste and my teeth remain their typical clean selves (brushing with water 2 times per day). However, I still wake up with a dry mouth and whitish foul-tasting coated tongue. I hope to eventually lose that symptom along the way.

My sense of smell is quite sharp. This is sometimes an inconvenience.

My periods have spaced out from approximately 30 days apart to 40. They are very light and short.

Overall, I feel extremely proud and happy about how far I've come. But I'm a work in progress for sure!

Reflecting on my Raw Adventure

sample photo from Microsoft

Looking back, I realized that it has been officially 18 days into my raw adventure, with no non-raw food cheats. I am amazed at how easy it was to go raw, but also at how difficult it was to not abuse my body with food (albeit raw food). I had to give away trigger foods, like cashews. I learned a lot about why grains, high fat foods, and dehydrated foods can be harmful, and I felt the effects of various foods on my own body.

And I learned that if I want to be able to eat this way, some of my food is going to have to come from a dumpster. Luckily, I love the thrill of the hunt! (Did I mention that last week we scored 21 cantaloupes?!?)

How has 18 days of raw food affected me?

• I have lost 6 pounds, which I attribute to water weight from a decline in salt consumption, since my body fat percentage is still about the same.

• In the beginning, I did experience some detox symptoms, such as mild headaches, acidic nasal drainage, sore throat, etc. But those passed fairly quickly.

• My bowel symptoms such as bloating, gas, and constipation go away, as long as I don't eat lots of nuts, dried fruit or dehydrated foods. When I eat those things, however, I am very uncomfortable.

• I don't crave cooked food, salt, or sugar. However, I don't like watching food commercials on t.v., because I have a combination of revulsion and attraction, almost like the feeling you get when you pass a fatal car accident on the road.
  
• My normally sharp sense of smell is even sharper. My friend came over with gum in her mouth and the smell almost bowled me over. Very chemically!

• My skin is clearer and seems to have a glow about it.

• I am anxious about other's reaction to my diet. I feel fearful about people's views about my parenting skills. I am also anxious about being able to afford good quality fruit.
  

• I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, going from ecstasy and joyfulness to frustration and depression.

Thanks to all of my supporters who have helped me on my journey!

Marjorie

Learning curve

For Mother's Day, my husband bought me The Vein of Gold: A Journey to Your Creative Heart by Julia Cameron, the author of the Artist's Way. I am ashamed to say that I own the Artist's Way and have not yet read it.

I am absolutely enthused about embarking on a Journey to my creative self! I have felt paralyzed for too long.

Here is an inspiring quote from the introduction:

"This is a book of deep, thorough creative healing--and the tools are creative ones. It is the use of creativitiy which heals the creative wound...Our adult self merely "understands" a wound. Our creative artist, that inner creative child, must actually heal it." Julia Cameron

Wow! I feel like my spiritual and creative awakening will be a perfect compliment to the rejuvenation of my physical and emotional selves. I am ready for WHOLE HEALTH!