Confession...

Hi my name is Marjorie, and I am an English teacher. [Hi Marjorie...]

Sometimes, I don't post, not because I don't have a lot to write about, but because I am afraid I cannot come up with a coherent and well-written post. You can take the composition teacher out of the classroom, but you can't take the red pen out of her head. Or something goofy like that.

So... here, in random order, with no attention to coherence, flow or style, and with no revision or polishing, are a bunch of things that are going on in my life.

1) We are getting ready to move in less than a month. This move is a huge step forward for our family. We will be giving up the house that is too expensive for us and a burden to maintain, and moving to something we can afford. We will be living where I have my garden, which will mean that our lives will be simpler, and that the whole family can be more involved together in producing our own food.

Of course, I have a lot of anxieties and frustrations about the preparations for moving. Part of it is the crazy trap of thinking all of our stuff must be pared down and organized perfectly before we go. I have been alternating between procrastinating, and worrying, and then Freecycling like crazy. Starting tomorrow, I think I'll cut out the procrastinating and worrying and cut straight to the Freecycling and donating and packing.

2) We have been making some huge changes in our financial lives. Maybe, just maybe, we're ready to start living consciously and creatively in this regard, instead of acting like victims.

3) We are taking a Nonviolent Communication parenting class. You may hear a lot more about that in future posts. Right now, we are all struggling to live together in peace and harmony. But I'm beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, it won't be a struggle forever.

Where've you been, Greenmama?

I am so happy to have a long weekend to relax and rejuvenate! I skipped the Farmer's Market today as my partner was out of town (that makes 4 out of the last 5!) and I just felt I needed the break.

My job is going better than I feared. I really enjoy the children and being surrounded by books. The rest of it sucks, but the first two things make it doable. My kids are enjoying school, although we've already had some difficulties there. They are a bit overtaxed by the long intense days and tend to be tired and irritable at certain times of the day (usually when we have to get ready to leave and time is of the essence). So, we're surviving.

We are again completely out of cash. We don't have enough money to buy food or gas to get us to work every day next week. Of course, we'll manage somehow. We always do. Next week will be my first full paycheck and it will also have some extra hours for the Book Fair, so that will be fine.

I am doing some Dynamic Self-Discovery one-on-one sessions with Elchanan and our first session focused on my ability to create resources. "I am ready, willing, and able to have and to spend whatever money my heart desires--now." I still feel like that is such a wonderful thing to say and I can't wait until it is true. I am ready, willing, and able... o.k., not "able" at this point because there is no cash. LOL! Another gem, "When you have more, you have more to give." That feels really wonderful. There are so many people and causes I would love to give more to. So, in order to give, I must be able to receive. I have to receive the abundance that is out there for me before I can share it. (Where is it, though?)

On the raw food front. I am still eating low fat raw vegan. I have been eating mostly local watermelon, with a few bananas, and tomatoes, okra, cucumbers, and squash from the garden. I have been a little lax on my greens, every third day or so. Yesterday I had a lot of green leaf and romaine. My community garden box has a lot of salad greens that are about 1 1/2 inches high, so I'm looking forward to eating those soon.

On the exercise front, I have been consistently getting 15-30 minutes of walk/jog in on my lunch break at work. It's nice to get the sunshine and the exercise helps me feel better. I need more exercise and want to build more muscle and core strength. But I feel so exhausted by the end of the day that I am just collapsing. About the most I can get myself to do in the evening is read a little bit of the new Harry Potter. Even if I do have any spare energy, I feel like I need to do things like dishes and laundry and packing lunches for the next day.

At the suggestion of the Path of Health group, I set up a free account at Nutridiary. I have always used SparkPeople and they have nice features, but Nutridiary is a lot more helpful because they add up the calories you burned and subtract the calories you ate and give you a total--how many calories are you over or under-eating. Wow, I am consistently undereating by quite a bit. I was ingrained in the dieter's myth that as long as I was eating more than 1200 calories, I would be fine. But my activity level burns significantly more than that. That could be why I have lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks and why I am experiencing a lot of food "cravings." The cravings are more like obsessive thoughts, rather than actually WANTING to eat foods. I can go into the cafeteria and buy the foods like French fries or nachos. I don't do it. I could. I don't even feel like I am stopping myself from doing it.

But yet, I find myself thinking about these foods and even remembering what they taste like. Sigh. Part of me wonders about the theory I've heard about cravings being triggered when you burn fat, because the fat was created by those foods and particles of them are released into your bloodstream. I used to think it was absurd, but now I wonder.

Anyway, I usually feel better if I just EAT. But I sometimes have to delay because of my schedule. And, we just don't have much food. Bananas are the solution, but I procrastinate eating them. I don't really like bananas much. I don't hate them. I just feel blah about bananas.

So, that's me, right now. Here I am. Greenmama, out.