Three Lousy French Fries

Well, folks, after eating 100% raw exclusively since April 29th, I finally had my first cheat.

During lunch today, I ate three crinkle cut fries (no salt, no catsup) off of someone's plate. Why? Well, that's a darn good question. I don't remember being really self-aware at that moment. It's not like I did it without thinking. It's not even like I felt compelled by an overwhelming craving or even a strong desire for the fries.

I do remember thinking... all this time; is it worth it to "break the streak" for some lousy cafeteria fries? The answer was, no. They were cold, tasteless (I was a bit suprised that they weren't salted or chemically at all--I believe my tastebuds would pick up on that stuff). They were quite mushy in texture, not because they weren't cooked properly, but because potatoes are mushier than I remember. They also had an unpleasant, starchy potato taste and a slightly oily sheen to them. Very bland. Not sweet.

So why did I do it? Honestly, I'm not quite sure. I do know that I ate less than half the calories than I was supposed to yesterday and this morning was forced to choose between unripe bananas and unripe honeydew melon. I have been quite crabby about food. There have been no ripe bananas to be had in my entire town (5 stores I've been to and all the bananas are the identical shade of pale yellow tinged with green). Local melons are on the downswing. My garden is cashing out. So, I feel very disappointed with the lack of good food choices available to me. I have also been feeling pretty frustrated by not having enough money or the right location to access quality food.

Also, I am not getting enough rest and I was particularly stressed at my job today. But I didn't feel like I was eating "emotionally" at the time that I did it. I feel frustrated that I still lack the self-awareness to understand why I am choosing certain actions. I want clarity, darn it! Clarity about what I want and why.

Well, now I know that I don't want french fries.

I was a bit afraid after I ate the fries that I would get ill, but I had no noticeable symptoms. My mouth was very dry and bad-tasting in the afternoon, but I have had that symptom for weeks. I drink LOTS of water and don't eat salt at all, so I don't know what this symptom is telling me.